then now soon

four years ago someone asked me what i wanted from life
i answered quickly
i want to be rock and roll
i was wearing black leather boots that buttoned
up the side
dark blue jeans
and a self-edited shirt that read condemn bullets


from the outside someone might think i'm simple
colorful but dim
sweet when i say hello
with my pastel finger nails and ruffled sleeves
light blue jeans
and braids alongside
one pearl and one feather earring

on the inside my life feels like a peaceful demolition
a wrecking ball
that rests on pillows
and apologizes and asks permission as at swings
back and forth
destroying a structure
that will eventually be rebuilt