puzzle piece and ballgown

once I found a puzzle piece
in an elevator
I may as well have found
a million dollars
it meant everything to me

I carried that puzzle piece
around with me for years
thinking knowing hoping
that any day now
I'd find somewhere to place it


once I bought a ballgown
from a second hand store
for the bargain price of
one measly dollar
it was silk and burgundy

I carried that ballgown
around with me for years
thinking knowing hoping
that any day now
I'd find some place to wear it

snoitcejorp ciahcra

it's open for interpretation
but I would like to put a spin on it

embrace your insanity
let it help make you sane

for me it was words inaudible words
so I just started saying them

A million different little words
that always said one thing

I love you
Do you love too

I'm not pointing a finger (at you)
I usually generally speak

I think we can do better
I think we are doing better

feel like

feel like
maybe
is good enough

feel like
extremes
are natural

feel like
yeah yeah
I'm excited

feel like
pretty
glad to be here

feel like
I could
do this all night

feel like
music
is something else

feel like
this is
exactly that

feel like
always
is a good thing

feel like
never
is sometimes said

breakfast

two eggs over easy with fried potatoes, toast, and too much butter

On Giving Thanks

I said a prayer for all the people traveling today

and thought

marmalade colored leaves

were a pleasant distraction from the rain



My neighbor's back is bent and he rarely looks up

he can't

his spine has bowed his head

I think he seems to always be in prayer



Usually my prayers are only words of thanks

thank you

thank you thank you thank you

(oh, and could you please end this pointless war?)



I have been thinking about cloud busting recently

like now

and sometimes I do it

make the sun shine with a thought and a prayer

Not a Poem

I woke up to my phone beeping intermittently
Family and friends sending me thank yous
My window sills are collecting water
and I remember I left the laundry in the dryer
I feel well rested and warm in my bed
but slide out from underneath the covers
and go fetch my clean clothes
my sister calls and I tell her I wish I was there
but think I might have dinner at the Capitol by myself
she said it's sad
she said it is the saddest thing she has ever heard
I tell her I am proud that being myself doesn't bother me
there are two mirrors in my apartment
and one finally catches sight of me
mascara
my face is tear streaked and I remember falling asleep on my
loveseat
I always avoid my bed when my heart hurts
I remember waking up in the middle of the night
alone in my living room
in full dress
and crying
then thinking better of it
It was five a.m. and I put on my pajamas
wrote a poem in my head
wrote a letter in my head
said a speech in my head
replayed the whole day back in my head
made a to do list
and went back to sleep in my bed

literal translations

i was listening with my left ear
and not caring with my right

other people's conversations

usually it's not my business
but i have to half listen

for unspoken invitations

this season has me working harder
extra careful with my nights

i can't shake feeling satisfied

tonight i'll wear my fall dress
in honor of the season

drink to everything that has died


or


you are my pretty friend
and you were the handsome cousin
of another pretty friend
so I had to listen in
on what you were saying
but it did not pertain to me

the holidays are here
we're busy at the bakery
and cold nights are here
so I've pulled out my sweaters
but I stay warm by the
power of positive drinking


or


I hear everything because I'm always listening.

It's not all the time that anyone says anything.

But sometimes we do.

I am good at my job and when we're busy I know it.

I pick out my work clothes the night before.

And dress up before I go out drinking.

details

So I threw out the yellow roses
the red, white, and pink ones too
and the replacement sunflowers
are dying
strangled in a green vase
but they sure brighten up the place

I scrubbed my apartment for hours
swept, mopped, and disinfected
replaced all of the trash liners
got real high
on clorox and windex
thinking on what I could clean next

I left you sleeping without a word
to go hang plaques and pictures
with my boy replacement girl friend
got real high
on coffee, milk, and tea
wondered if you would wait for me

Oh so now I'll just run some errands
carouse the watering hole
replace my body for your eyes
go say hi
and hope it's obvious
I'm not into apppearances

haiku

sometimes you wake up to find
the sky overcast
your intentions the same way

it gives me comfort to know
you can't read my mind
only the words on the page


it cannot be stressed enough
living is easy
it is the dying that's hard

haikus are about nature
haikus do not rhyme
the first one is a haiku

Hanging Pictures

i was facing a wall
i was hammering a nail
i was finding the balance

exposing a canvas
the wall all but disappears
quietly holding the frame

i sat down beside you
i sat and stared in wonder
i sat between you and yours

we were quiet at first
proud for different reasons
thankful for the company

i said that it was sad
i said it's hard to say bye
i said I know they will sell

we finished our coffee
we put on hats and jackets
and left our new gallery

worms and outcasts

kitty has worms
I don't want to talk about it

descending

last night i practiced
time travel
moving backward
and forward
I used a pocket knife
to peel your apple
I ate the skin
and left the rest for you

today I asked you
if I could stand
close to you
and thought
about symbolism
and words
and falling asleep at daybreak

some people go
their whole lives
without listening
to the words they speak
their tongues thick
with chatter and gossip

i think i could imagine
being caught
in a moment
the moment somehow becoming more me
than I am

other times I enter into a moment
and i can't think of anything
and wait patiently
for you to tell me I am pretty

last night we sat on my hardwood floor
and you told me you noticed my perfume bottles
and all I could do was take off my clothes

I think I could listen to you
all day

and all night

Normal Conversations

Eight year old Eli asked me if I was a Christian.
I set in on my explanation and he interrupts me,

"So you don't think it's made-up? It's not fake. There was a Jesus."

Later he caught a headache that brought him to tears. He thanked me three times.

"Why are you thanking me Eli?"

Earlier I had used the words "hypocrite" and "hypocricy".
I was saying what I thought Jesus would say.

"Because you're always so nice. You laugh all the time. Thank you."

Later I began to retell the story to a new friend. And I couldn't.
I don't remember what was said after that.

Rome

Here I am
more than I can say
that's why I didn't say anything
just tried to look into your eyes

Mine are gray

sometimes blue
or kind of hazel
and you should see how they look at you
and I shouldn't be so quick to give

Me to you