.r.e.l.i.c.

remedy

sometimes you don't need space
you need closeness
you need to imagine the things closest to you
somehow are healing you


existentialism

one day I'll invite you
to live with me
to live in the empty space of my living room
one long breath at a time


loss

you're not mine anymore
you are not mine
you are not mine to have and hold close anymore
you're not mine anymore


inside

you'll never really know
its true make up
it's the true embodiment of the elements
you're just in the body


culture

maybe you are like me
sing songs and dance
sing songs about people to people who sing songs
may we be together

bracelets and charms

it's been ten years
ten whole years
and now


I remember the first time
and though I didn't cry
tears had filled my eyes

now my right wrist suffers sympathy pains
and I'm aware of the sensation
as I stare at my brand new scar


this time there was no sign of tears
and the value far outweighed the loss
I quoted the cost of when I was young


my heart still races
my senses are alert
what did I just do to me


besides commit
forever
to me

das reading or Life Is German to Me

well I did it
I can say that much
and now I'm kind of drunk and high
but really neither of both
because I don't really know how I feel

I made a joke about how it was my first time
and maybe that's how I feel
like it's my first time
to do anything
and I still just want to love someone

and wonder without fail
why
no
one
loves
me


that
way

and my mom's in town
and we've been sharing a bed
and I can feel myself being young again
while she cooks me breakfast
or lets me sleep in

and somehow I talked her out of going to the reading
which means I'm stranger than I know
because she really wanted to be there
and I really needed her to be there
because she would have brought me flowers

and no one else did

I think I just want some flowers

pictures are never in real time

once i slept with a photographer
afterwards
he asked me if he could take my picture
I laughed
and said no


and the singer songwriter
wrote a song about me
without my permission
so keep your ears out
for the girl with the sunny disposition

another time I fell in love with an artist
or maybe he fell in love with me
either way
I painted his bedroom vintage gray
and asked him to paint a picture of me

long before that
in a fit of hysteria
I let a republican fuck me sideways
and I cringe everytime
I make his fucking double short lattes

most recently
there was a keyboardist
and before then
a frontman
and both made me think I could love them

and that's why I kissed them

kissing is a euphemism

pocket change

My headboard is a window
and a person has made their bed
on the other side

I can hear him sleeping
I can't sleep

We are three inches
and a window pane
away from each other

I stir and listen
I can't sleep

Maybe I should call the cops
or leave a friendly note
but I hurt for the other side

predecessor

she said

I don't want someone's pity
I want someone
who is as fucked up as me

and we laughed
and there was no pity in our laughter

later

I told her I was nervous
and shy around new people
she said then it's a good thing
that I knew everybody

but it only reminded me
of how few people

knew me

good reaction of the moon

life is a testament to pain
tattoos are that too

I'm sorry

I'm sorry and I was stupid
stupid and stood up

thoughtful me

he's handsome and I was jealous
jealous and joyless

you're pretty

you're as pretty as lightning
know here as nowhere

lucky you

too small to see

i have a friend that's so petite
you'll miss her if you blink

Something Sweet About All Mankind

I've got nothing to prove
so maybe that means I've got nothing to hide

I smoke a pack every other day

Ben asked me who the most famous person I ever slept with was
and I told the truth

and Ben was impressed

that's the thing about the people I know
they always seem to know the people I don't

completely imaginary

i bet you've done cocaine together

she's got a cocaine body

and an affinity for pictures of her mouth

dead daddy dreams

my favorite dream is that you never died at all
and we talk and laugh and live
and then I wake up
and you die all over again

other times I know I'm dreaming
and somehow you know you're in my dream
and I never want to wake up
and it doesn't matter that you died

then last night I found you in my sleep
and had to tell you
because you didn't know
that you died two and a half years ago

you were so disappointed
the news caught you so off guard
I wish I had kept it to myself
you didn't look fifty-one

then I woke up

and someone I knew was outside of my window
she was walking and talking and I knew her
and I thought
I should run out side and tell her

that I heard her

my phone doesn't ring

tonight I am staying in and drinking a bottle of wine
I will take off all of my clothes
and stare at myself in the mirror

I will wonder why you didn't call me

tonight I am staying in and contemplating pain
I will take off all of my inhibitions
and think about Christ and the human condition

I will wonder why you didn't call me

tonight I am staying in and nursing my frozen hips
I will stretch and bend and dance
and make promises to be a better person

I will wonder why you didn't call me

tonight I am staying in and cursing aesthetics
I will stare at myself in the mirror
and make promises to accept my flaws

I will wonder why you didn't call me

tonight I am staying in and writing something true
I will mean every word I say
and I hope I am not full of shit

I will wonder why you didn't call me

Fraction of a Fraction

you can have me
if you want me

we could break down the walls
crack the foundation

we could carefully
lovingly
thoughtfully
tend to each crack
in such a way
that it will never be torn again
together

Bohemian

I am violently opposed to prescription medication
but emphatically believe in flowers
I keep bouquets in every room
Gladiolas, Zinias, Sunflowers,

and other pretty weeds
Admittedly, none of the above bloom all year long
so I recommend you supplement with a love song
or two
I want you to know I'm not judging you
I do not know your pain

but neither does your pharmacist

but if you break your wrist
Or burn your skin
Or have a tooth yanked out
I recommend you share your drugs

The Long Drawl

Everytime I see you I say hello
and you ignore me
or say hello to the air
and walk away

It's hard for me to understand
a bridge on fire

Once you told me you were disappointed
in your friends and me
because we were talented
and always drunk

But you were drunk when you said it
whiskey on ice