Happy Ending

i remember when we lost your brother
it was Memorial Day and your skin was tan
my heart was young but it hurt for you

i tried to imagine losing my brother
and sat in the sun all afternoon
until my skin was red and hot
and spent the next four days
peeling it off

his wake was a three hour car ride north
when we used to go visit him
we would take the long way through the mountains
and would stop by the river for lunch
but that day we took the highway
i was worried we would never see the river again

he was young and everyone said so
i remember thinking i should always be crying
so i cried
and when the tears would leave me
i would walk back to his casket
and look at him
and continue to cry

when we got home
i looked up the word autopsy
and hugged my mother
and she told me she was sad
and i said
i know
and then she told me
don't be sad for me

today when you called me crying
i wanted to suspend
what ever
it
was
that you were going to say
i wanted to push it so far away
that it didn't exist
and no one would ever speak of it

16

tomorrow we will wake up
older
so tonight we should feel
young

A Very Specific Idea

I believe that I can change the world.

I refuse to spend time on things that only contribute to the chaos and the unknowing. I know that love is true and real and I release myself to the falling of all beautiful things into place. And that which is a hopeless reality or that which is viewed as a meaningless reality is cynicism and holds no grip in my view of the world or love or peace.

You can hold it against me, you can hold it against me.

Hold it against me, I dare you.

In the end it is the things we let go that set us free.

And the things we hold on to, the grudges we carry, the hatred we harbor, are our own misunderstandings. Our inability to accept or allow the possibility of something better. Of something more real than pity or piety (the passing of loved ones or the parting of seas).


I feel pain. I feel it deeply and completely, but that is not all I feel.


I feel we are capable.

Remember when we called for change.

and remember the time when your heart was broken

and remember the unfairness of mortality

and remember when the hurricane drowned a city

and remember when a plane changed the course of history forever

And remember that these are the reasons we change.

out of character

i don't know
i don't know
i don't know
i kind of remember
i think
i think
i think
maybe i remember
something
some thing
so me thing
now is to remember
something good

sterling silver lining

don't cheapen me

you can tell me it wasn't worth it

but don't cheapen me



forget me sometimes

remember my finest hour

i remember yours



jewelry and clouds

have something in common

they imagine themselves

when you used to

you're not missing anything
i reserved missing for me

then now soon

four years ago someone asked me what i wanted from life
i answered quickly
i want to be rock and roll
i was wearing black leather boots that buttoned
up the side
dark blue jeans
and a self-edited shirt that read condemn bullets


from the outside someone might think i'm simple
colorful but dim
sweet when i say hello
with my pastel finger nails and ruffled sleeves
light blue jeans
and braids alongside
one pearl and one feather earring

on the inside my life feels like a peaceful demolition
a wrecking ball
that rests on pillows
and apologizes and asks permission as at swings
back and forth
destroying a structure
that will eventually be rebuilt

palindrome

rarely do i consider that i am poor
an heir to nada
crude and socially barbaric
excessive in gesture
cautious of stoic
and at the crossroads of an era
rarely do i discount the value of a dollar

karma is a clean break
absolute is the opposite of hysteria
you is an abstract form of my
abstract is a word of academia
kindness is not an act of dumb luck

loyalty is a rebel
ever the pusher of the rule
vulnerable with a v
except able
layman or professional

professional

when i can walk to work
i do
it takes five minutes flat
i take it in long strides
sometimes
or otherwise saunter
i cross the street five times
and have more thoughts than i
can say

when i must drive to work
i take one of two ways
directly as i can
or be there soon enough
depends
maybe it is friday
maybe i washed my hair
maybe it is raining
maybe i'm excited
to take
the long way any where


i choose my mood and way
same as i put on clothes
thoughtful
here i go here i am
this seems appropriate
maybe
just happy to be here

on time

no worries

the thing about charming people
is they have no idea they're charmed
because their treasure chest
is this painful place they rarely visit


and those beautiful people
with features and flawless profiles
understand beauty least of all
because nobody understands what they are


it is cold in my apartment now
earlier i turned my purse upside down
and now i am staring at the contents
knowing i will clean the mess up and then make more

Easy, Fast, Gone

i am a walking advertisement
for the natural effects
of wanting for love
wanting to say
sometimes it's the people
that deserve it the least
that need it the most

i am a walking confessional
for the afterglow of sex
and the end of war
neither of which fix me
but after sex i feel free
and postwar is peace

stood up

the most painful part
is that my friends knew
and lingered
even after i mentioned they could leave
how did they know better than me
that someone they didn't know
would hurt me
once it was abundantly clear
that i'd spend the night alone
my friends
left me
with their bottle of wine
the gesture saying
you're going to need this
more than us
now
I'm holding myself
an arm's length away from me
saying
what is wrong with you

1-11-11

i don't clip my fingernails
as often as i should
because i like the way they sound

and showers are easier in the summer
when the night starts late
and you've worn the sun in your skin all day

some things are just easier when no one asks questions
this just makes perfect sense
and everyone agrees

Titles before Poems

you could call it method
or practice
or dumb luck

i call it religion
and prayer
and practice

i make it up as i go
word by word
line by line

i am always counting
i am rigid that way
not soft like i am

the snow comes on like day
with purpose
but slowly

soon as it settles in
you might find
yourself stuck

or stranded from your home
so you pray
for more snow

maybe think to yourself
let my try
it again

New Axis, New Orbit, New Spin

if you were ever going to spill something
spill it now
there is a rush forth
that your kind of spill
could get into

Johhny and L.A.

woke up unfuzzy
woke up earlier
than i had to
woke up in time
to alert my neighbors
to the snow day
but my neighbors
were already awake
so i poured them
a cup of coffee
and accepted their gifts
and let them drive me home

the future in the past

i've had thoughts before
that were perfectly
embarassing
and i didn't tell anyone
not even myself
and then i stumble
upon them
those hidden thoughts
somehow made pretty
or
honest
or hellbent
or home
or
in plain sight
somehow made pretty

sleeping alone

it's strange how strongly I believe in a knight in armor
somehow
every night
I convince myself

every morning
I wake up
to white noise or gospel on the radio
and throw myself out of bed

out of sheets that have barely moved
blankets still settled
so i press sleep more
until every sheet is ruffled

Full Time

my dreams come back to me in rampant fire
all day long
all day long
and i bid them to sway in my direction
and they do
or they don't
and it's those times when they don't that i get stunned
get a slap
in the face
well okay now that you've got my attention
what did you
want to say
then i just listen
and hope for the best

explicit directions

It's funny

all of our quiet demands
microphones and dark corners

all our starstruck or bloodshot eyes
name one person you do not know

anyone worth
vying a word from
is a pleasant
distraction from from

do me a favor
read each letter
in a downward direction
notice how it spells other words
keeps me
entertained
repeatedly
.

clutter p.o.v. minimalist

unclutter
re-organize
downsize
re-evaluate
acquire
repeat

As New As It Ever Was

just be yourself
just be yourself
just be yourself
just be yourself

you're so pretty
just be your self

i live in a bubble
i live in a bubble
i live in a bubble
i live in a bubble
i live in a bubble
i live in a bubble

i think we've met before
i live in a bubble

i understand and i appreciate thought and
you should look up the words exponential and grace


you should look up grace
you should look up grace
you should look up grace
you should look up grace
you should look up grace
you should look up grace
you should look up grace
you should look up grace
you should look up grace
you should look up grace
you should look up grace
you should look up grace

1-1-11

i feel like a personal invitation
is the difference between
a long sigh
and
auld lang syne

the world is a countdown
that i would sometimes
rather sleep through
than go chasing after

out of pocket
out of sight
out of mind

seems there is always a reason
to start with a clean slate

things move slowly this time of year