Not a Poem

I woke up to my phone beeping intermittently
Family and friends sending me thank yous
My window sills are collecting water
and I remember I left the laundry in the dryer
I feel well rested and warm in my bed
but slide out from underneath the covers
and go fetch my clean clothes
my sister calls and I tell her I wish I was there
but think I might have dinner at the Capitol by myself
she said it's sad
she said it is the saddest thing she has ever heard
I tell her I am proud that being myself doesn't bother me
there are two mirrors in my apartment
and one finally catches sight of me
mascara
my face is tear streaked and I remember falling asleep on my
loveseat
I always avoid my bed when my heart hurts
I remember waking up in the middle of the night
alone in my living room
in full dress
and crying
then thinking better of it
It was five a.m. and I put on my pajamas
wrote a poem in my head
wrote a letter in my head
said a speech in my head
replayed the whole day back in my head
made a to do list
and went back to sleep in my bed