Thursday

Everyday

almost everyday

I clean like my life depends on it

I get so wrapped up in my thoughts

deciding when cleanliness

is Thursday

or godliness 

I make all of these lists 

in my notes, in print, 

with pens that make 

me happy 

in words that do not make sense

to anyone but me

Making hard moves 

I promise

Matriarch

 The biggest problem with misogyny 

is

even after it is dissected 

it is so deeply rooted

that people still think

white men 

are more talented

than everyone else

bECAUSE

of their privilege 

what a side chuckle

As a woman, I can tell you

my emotion is your obsession

You might fixate on a sound

and try to make it better

in your bedroom 

pissed off or apathetic

pretty stoic 

about your coming of age 

but the only thing you created

is her approval

Dial It In

 My favorite house plant

is my Prickly Pear

What a happy cactus

with the happiest spikes

And it just keeps growing

Everyday it changes 

I’m not sure 

if it’s the patio that’s perfect

Or is it just the perfect specimen?

Cliché Wrapped Up In Antiquity

 Throw the shit on the wall

39 and the Entrance of Dramatic Candles

The best birthday present

Is waking up early 

The best thing about you

is everyday

even when you make me mad

especially when you make me mad

because we talk it out

with words

and we get to understand 

each other

A cute gift I received

from the people that love me 

was the perfect water pitcher

and somebody insisting

I was only 29

Even after we established

we both knew 

what year I was born

It was really funny 

that you kept me in my twenties

so much closer to you

I’m gonna use that one

I also thought it was neat

when everyone

went around the room

and said a nice thing about me

This is the last year of my thirties

and I am 29

That is all you need to know about me

Perfect Company 20/20 ReRemedied

 It bothers me

to be bothered

It upsets my mother

every time 

I write a poem

but before I was ever bothered

I remember when

my mother explained to me

what my “rug-burned” knees

meant to everyone around me

How did she know

that I would forever be

unreachable 

Perfect... again

 I want you to know

that I cried just enough

And then I woke up

and I went to the Market

I bought the perfect

amount of tomatoes

and I was gifted 

the perfect amount of greens

to bring you back to me

You are still with me

and everyone sees you 

I want you to take a step

with me

I love you so much

Hey!

It’s just you and me

slow it down

take it easy, Jacey

Life isn’t fun

It is waking up

and knowing

A good life 

is making good 

choices. 

It still feels bad.

Everything still hurts.

Our dad is still dead.

but how proud would he be

to see us 

not be

the decision 

he regrets 

Fine

but did you wipe the slate clean

for me

Current Notebook or January 21st, 2018

                       1/21/18

                       12:46 AM

Clay,

I have kept journals

since the second grade,

so since I was 8 years

old. My favorite memory

was when I was 3...

my thoughts have always

been important to me.

I try to capture what

I am feeling as often

as possible. Not because

I am important, but

because I believe it is

the things we feel that

make every one equal.

Consciousness. For as long

as I have recognized 

existence I have thought

about reality and the

idea of the connectedness

of my birth and death.

When I wrote in my diary

in the fourth grade I

could feel the ink fall

out of my pen now. It

is an invisible line,

but it is straight

and it has happened and

will happen because

it is happening.

Clay,

In an abstract way,

you are the journal

I’ve kept for 27 years.

You are my inner thoughts

and greatest desire.

My wants, losses,

pride, triumphs,

secrets, stories, lists,

shame, humiliations,

funny asides... they

are all you 

the person

I was writing to.

You are everything

I never knew and

did not understand 

I can pretend to be fearless

of the unknown because I

know your skin will 

explain it to me in

time. I know your

words will describe

it to me as you retell

your stories of highs

and lows. I know that

every moment we have

with each other from

here on out is a piece

of each of our pasts

come together with 

both of our futures

to make love known.

We are lucky.

We won the lottery.

This does not happen to

every body.

Dear Clay,

This is the part where

everything is the same,

just different. I love

you. 

I am yours.

    Sincerely, 

        Forever,

           Kara Marie Bibb

                              1/21/18

     

                              2:30 AM

Off the cuff...

 Everything is so green

and lush right now

I could die 

but I don’t have to

Are you falling for this?

Three and a half years later

and we are still going on dates

do you not smell it on my breath?

I am drunk

But this is not the big reveal

It is not the drinks we drink

It never was

that

just outside of our reach

thing

No one gives a fuck 

Your Favorite Thing About Me

“You’re funny”

I know, what else? 

New Present...same as it ever was

 You told me it would be blue

but I was still surprised

when it arrived 

and was the exact same hue

as the object I had dreamt about 

the night before

You kept reminding me

how much lighter it is

than the old one 

 You told me it would be blue

but it still took three years 

for me to figure out 

that the sadness you wear is literal

and I just keep my head up

Our dogs bark

at the actual drop of a hat

and at the sound of our patio door

I just want to know you will be alright

and that you’ve taken the time

to think about how surreal it is

that we’re a couple. I love you 

What’s your favorite thing about me?

Nephew

You grew up so fast

so sweet

and right

None of the wrong

in your life

is in you

You mentioned on the phone

how I wasn’t around

as much

when you were young

and my gut upturned

because I thought I was

I am trying to get better

at keeping quiet

when we talk about family 

listening to you talk about your mother

is the best version of my sister I know

Your words only speak love

You are 

Exceptional

You overcame their flaws

You did all the things 

I wanted to save you from

You loved, despite it all

Life Itself

 It’s

Just

Bizarre

On the one hand

you just experience it

as it comes

Life, Itself

but also

You’re kind of experiencing 

every life

that has ever lived

at the same time

On the other hand

you’re a head in a vat

and nothing is unique 

But

you always feel

so fucking special 

I want to hold you

and the entire world

in both hands right now 

I want to hug life itself 

38 ain’t shit

 She said

You are the most responsible person I know!

financially!

morally!

...

All I heard was

“morally!”

 Fucking Christ

Thank God 

This rigid moral compass ain’t shit

unless someone sees it

38 isn’t terrible

It is

Accelerator

everyday I swim up 

and then look back at you 

I wonder if everyone that has ever struggled

with a lighter knew that you can hold

 the accelerator down for a patient sec before 

you light the wick

You finished my sentence

the other day

I said the reason 

I spend every free moment 

reorganizing 

it’s because it’s your love language

I was going to say it is because I want you

to stay forever and I am forever

making room for you