Post Partum

She reaches under her shirt
scratches her stomach

He sees her
he notices everything she does

-Why do you have that red mark?

She doesn't know
she looks at her stomach

-That's where they cut you out of me.

He is concerned

-How did it grow back?

She is straightforward

-They stapled it.

He is thoughtful. He is frightened. He is relieved.

-You should be dead!

She laughs.

-I know!

She is thoughtful. She is no longer frightened. She is relieved.

-I know.

Dorothy and a Tin Man

Did you ever notice

or make a connection

or let your mind

wonder

about the girl in the red shoes

and the man made of tin



When I think of the two

I put me in her shoes

and imagine

his heart

is yours but is on down the road

somewhere closer to home



Remember when we met

You were caught in the rain

I was stealing

apples

and you wanted to speak to me

so I dampened your lips



If you had not told me

I would never have known

you were heartless

or sad

because you were so nice to me

and smiled all the time

A Support Group I Can Get Behind

When I drink too much
I eat
or sleep

When I eat too much
I sleep

When I sleep too much
I feel guilty

I never feel guilty
when I drink
or eat too much

When I feel guilty
I shake it off

Drinking
Eating
Sleeping too much
I can walk off

I never want too much

Food is a need
Sleep is a must
Drinking is a want
Walking is a luxury

I love luxurious food
and drink
but not too much

I dream when I'm sleeping
Drink dreams
Eat meals

Eat guilt like strawberries off a vine in your backyard
Without worry or fear of dirty fingernails
My fair share
But never too much

Cheers to much.

How

Today I fell into a parade

Put on a brave face

Juggled and declared peace more than once

Unwrapped a present

Wrote you a thousand thoughts and letters

Wondered why you cry

When I settle in along side you

2 poems

One Man's Plight
Today is not easy. Today is not carefree.
Loss is hard.
Every life counts.
A million lightyears away,
Superman


The Hands of Holy Men
When the present becomes unbearable
the past will not let go
Find peace in the hands of holy men
in silent prayer they fold
Give them all your suffering
all the moments that block out the sun
And wait in the shade of humility
the shadow of things left undone

llulaby

romanticize until your heart bursts like confetti into empty space
imagine your lover wine
sip
taste
gulp
until your lips turn red
your head dizzy
your heart light
believe in magic
deny illusions
embrace your pain as a mother would
hold it close in your arms
whisper
it will all be okay
it will all be okay

Smoke and Mirrors

Smoke

Behind the house

I stood with you

Tasted you

An affair

Want and need

I learned to play games

Blow smoke

You made every drug better

Waking up

Your scent lingers

I hear you in my laugh

Spent my last dollar

I wash my hands of you

Mirrors

It was the moment when I heard the glass break
Unnecessary guilt ran through me
Apologies were spoken

It was the night that my father stopped breathing
The world spun in a different direction
His heart, my heart stopped beating

It was the pain unwrapped by packages of aleve
Individually torn open by youth
Cold hospital bed at dawn

It was not me or your eyes or our lost cause
Staring me down in the looking glass
Reflections are in reverse

It was a sentence I couldn't remember
A question already answered, not yet posed
Reality realized

And

Then it was the moment when I first believed
Understood why guilt was unnecessary
Thankful for the shards of light

Then it was the night I let my father go
Let the world continue on its course
Your heart, my heart beat as one

Then it was the pain unwrapped by happiness
Something I could touch and feel and see and know
A dream to put me to bed

Then it was not a why or worry or a weight
Holding on to me, I simply stepped forward
Mirrors are reflecting light

It is a submarine, a rocket, a train

A vehicle pressing us forward
Action realising thought

Self Portrait

When people ask what became of me
answer quickly

Alcoholism and Anorexia

When they say, but she was so pretty
roll your eyes

Smoke and Mirrors

When they think outloud, why so harsh
say real self assuredly

Obviously you never met Kara Bibb

then

start in on some wild tangent about what's really wrong with the world. curse the breakdown of democracy and bad drivers and rapists and ex-lovers and haters and everyone that steals every piece of everything that is good and natural and beautiful and true in the world. make excessively theatrical arm gestures and stand up out of your chair and with a clenched fist and your head raised to the sky say over and over and over again

why are you doing this to me
why are you doing this to me
why are you doing this to me
why are you doing this to me
why are you doing this to me
why are you doing this to me

why are you doing this

and then

in mid sentence

look far and away
as if you just lost your train of thought
and then pick right back up where you left off

to me

When the people look at you and say
what does this have to do with Kara Bibb
you'll just be like

Exactly

Candid

I mean every word I said
Remember most of them
And am especially fond of the ones I wrote down

Thought some crazy thought today
Thought you might have called me
I would have called you but I am just a southern girl

Did you know I feel foolish
A cheap dress on a rack
A one size fits all that you never tried on or wore

But how could you understand
Dresses or belles of balls
Or seeing someone see you at the exact same time

Captured Feathers or Self Indulgence

I'm not writing about you this time
or me

This is about justice
the crumbling difference
between right and wrong
a line has been drawn
and it's not in the sand

In the face of truth
lies are brought to light
their ugliness burning
blistered and lackluster
suddenly susceptible


Because truth lives in a lie
and seeks to make itself known
the same way
blue or red or yellow is lost in black
but is still present

So I lied
because this is about me
and you