The Third Part of Roses::Delusions of Grandeur

The things that make me great
can be counted on one hand

I love you

There is something wrong
with the world we live in
War and Hate is not natural

The unknown is the only reason
we disagree about anything

When we think about the world
as each individual
doing our best to sing
in the choir of seven billion,
there are no regrets,
just reminders.

Flowers and Practicing Roses Pt. 2

My florist’s favorite flowers
are the ones that live the longest

Mine too

Yet, she still pushes the bargain bin on to me
We both know these blooms will die tomorrow
but man, what a steal, a bunch of roses
for just three dollars

There’s not enough wine in the world
to replicate the feeling I receive
when I replace every dying stem
from their place in my decorum
with fresh cut flowers
that I know have at least two weeks to live

Finis

It should end there
but it never does

Practicing Roses Pt. One

There is a brand new typewriter
on my kitchen table
My heart has been filled with
suicide letters
since I picked it up last week
Thank you for giving it to me
for free
I sure am lucky
no one paid the asking price
for this old dusty thing
that is new to me

I shouldn’t throw that word around
as if suicide is something
you can mention casually
But everything I want to write
is about how I kill myself every year
and then just wipe the slate clean
like a pecked-at piece of paper
pulled swiftly from a pecking machine
Replaced, stark and clean
with a blank page
Cliche wrapped up in antiquity

No Speak

There are no plans now

It is you

It is me

It is words we never said

and everything we said that one time

It is you showing up unexpectedly 

and crying

and hoping 

and collapsing 

There in front of god and everybody 

And you told me to wait

it’s technical

it’s fragile

it’s sensitive 

There are truths that will make themselves known

I believe you

May (One of Twelve) or My Love

I am ecstatic
and rarely think of death
the way I used to
We spoke in passing
of the way you thought
you would walk into the woods
and I would make a bed
in my downstairs bathroom
either way, careful to make sure
no one would be bothered
by the mess our bodies would create

I am only bringing this up
to remind you, me,
and anyone that is listening
dying is a part of the dialogue
that being alive speaks
If you want to marry me,
I vow to you
I will go out of my way
to stay alive longer than you
I am ecstatic knowing
you're not going anywhere soon

I am ecstatic
falling asleep next to you
Your body is warm
and particular and honest
You should know
that I cry more than you do
Every time you leave
or have to work later than me
Every time I move something
in our room or rearrange anything
It is just me missing you

My Love, I believe there is a space
where two people can live
without recognizing creation or destruction
can be thoughtful and reckless
think as one but be two
where perspective is often wrong
and admits so gracefully
A place where doubt cannot exist
and reassurance holds company
with the saints and everyday kindness
like an epitaph written by the deceased

You Rhyme With Purple (I Want You Only)

because we do listen to the same music
even if it its against our wills.
And the lyrics you love
speak to me too and light me up,
like a slow reveal .

I am a bastard to timing
and leave you out there often
but in this dust of thoughts,
here, where the bone fragments remain,
I must tell you

I am yours only

So get used to words like "purple" and "kind".
Get used to being mine.
Here, where I first saw you,
and last year when I cried
about how I didn't want it to be you

I want you only

because we do listen to the same things
even though it is against our will.
And the people you love
love me too
and we were always meant for each other

Looking Forward to Being Dirt

I told you I loved you
with every fiber
of my broke down body
and you said
I can't wait to hold your lil
crumbling body together til
we turn to dirt

I wanted to cry
but I was keeping busy at work
Do they let people
be buried in the same coffin?
Can we die at the same time?
If I kiss your skin every minute,
on the minute,
can we somehow blur the line
of whose heart is beating
if ours begins to beat in same time?

Extremes are middle ground
Forgiveness was last year
You speak and gesture and take me
and I barely even rearranged
my furniture but am telling you
I want you
and you are telling me
to fall apart
limb
by
limb
so we can live together
so I do

Death Wish 20/20

Cigarettes, wine
I'm trying  to make a list
but am very distracted
by
you
It would be easy to just say
I love you
I  love  you.
Today I woke up and my heart was light
You were sleeping next to me
I  pushed you further over
There is no way
I can get closer to you
I love you.

it is a strange thing
to be in love with the world
and hope every day
that the world
finds some sort of grace
that lets it be noble and elegant
again
it is stranger still
to know
that the world has never been gracious
and that the only remedy
we've found thus far
is human love
that has fought so hard
that we have to die
and it is only individuals
that amend the human condition
You are one

Cigarettes, wine
I love you.
it would be easier
if my line of sight
were blurry
but I see things clearly
always
You are my death wish.
Please don't die before me