Will You Help Me Move? (There I said it.)

Poetry is on hold
I'm moving
Every thought that decorated my wall
every chair that  I repositioned every day
every corner that decided
how every other corner would look
is dismantled
Junk and gifts disassembled
temporarily homeless
purposeless

I almost want to start all over
but I haven't in a long time
so instead of trashing everything
I just start relocating it
and think about pride for a while
until I break and reach out
For three days straight
friendly hands moved me and I realized
I would much rather be grateful
than proud

The first time I woke up I felt bad
for not making you coffee
and I waited until you left
to crawl into your bed
and go back to sleep
I woke up for a second time
and was so excited
that it was still early
so I started to read the feed

The current events were telling me
that everything is irrational
and only some things are holy
And I couldn't bring myself
to do the things that serve me
Instead I daydreamed
about holding hands with him
and understanding ignorance
in a way that would change circumstance

I can't think of a single time
while sitting in the total darkness
that I  didn't let my eyes adjust
I can't think of a single time
while witnessing total injustice
that I didn't feel crippled
while peeling the crust of decency
off the eyelashes of my rose-colored lens
I don't even know where to begin

I only have questions
How dare you
How dare you make great assumptions
about what is wrong with the world
without first being a source of goodness
How dare you sit in the greatness
of history and grace and endurance
with hate as your only remedy
without first being kindness

How did you not know
that people are good
except for when
you are the exception
to that rule

Calming the Girl that is Always Excited

I was thinking about right and wrong
while I was reading the weather report
It smelled like rain
and my anxiety was at bay
It all made perfect sense

My anxiety is mostly in my head
Though sometimes it curdles
the cream in my coffee
And my stomach hurts
Or turns the espresso in my milk
against me
And the chest that contains my heart
tenses with all of me

Deep breathing

I guess I have gotten good at calming
Maybe all those thoughts I had
while the panic attacked 
have finally rested in me
The ones that said
It's fine
Stop 
Stop worrying
are now me

Earlier it was about to rain
and I knew it
so I walked right out to my car 
and grabbed my umbrella 
I wasn't sure if I would need it
But there wasn't a damn thing wrong
with planning for it 

Counting Coins and Other Things That Remind Me of June and Not You

The Magnolia trees are blooming
The honeysuckles are perfuming
but I haven't tasted one since last June

All year long the unlucky pennies are worrying
if I will notice them
as I gather tokens for my pocket collection
I think next season I will resume
turning them over and leaving them
for the next lucky fellow looking for change

I keep catching my reflection in the window
and have to remind myself to sit up straight
and I narrowly captured an opportunity
to just sit here and be me

The Weather Report

Muggy and overcast
it's five o' clock
I am drinking Common Sense
on a patio called Stone's Throw
I am describing the atmosphere in Arkansas
or your most recent hangover
when the sun peeks out
and makes itself known
telling me
summer is coming
My dress, wet hair, and sweaty palms
confirm her witnessing

The earth is approaching
that space in its revolution
where it resided
when I was born

Prelude to the Weather Report

On the way home I had to pull over twice
I parked in a complex of apartments
and walked to the side of the road
I stood there, stared
stirred by the pull of the moon
Before then I sat in a thought
nothing is set in stone
the stones are only stationery
temporary love notes and lists
shifting and repositioning
at the whim of celestial bodies
the third rock is a gracious hostess
we are guests
The moon told me this
And I have to admit
I am still at my second stop
Waiting for the moon
to steer me home

June First May As Well Be...

In two weeks
exactly
I will turn thirty three
earlier tonight
I was telling her
what it's like
to be nineteen

All I know
is what it's like
to be me
and
all I think
is maybe
just maybe...