courtyard

my knee resting against yours
I studied your profile as you spoke
and stared at the honeysuckles
when my own voice rasped in response

a few nights before I marveled from my window
as the rain beat down the grass into the earth
but the small white flowers that decorated the lawn
were still, unmoved

and I remembered the night when we stood there
in my courtyard
listening to sirens
while the rain passed through us

there you were, so sweet and able

you held me
while we shared our secrets
and crossed bodies of water
you held me
when we celebrated our fortune
and when we stood in the parlor of our losses
you held me
when I realized you were the only one who knew me
and I wondered if I was worthy of knowing you
and you never held that against me
instead
you asked for my hands
and held them
by your side and against your heart
you hold them still

pieces of paper

we are
the chemistry
of lips against liquor
only touching
then moving away
until hearts part ways
with hurt
and introduce themselves
to strangers

we are
the shine
and knowledge of light
but without
absence of darkness
it is the night
that begins to
forget and remembers
the sun

we are
a piece
of paper tucked away
left there
to be found
at a later date
a tiny note
meant to be
a reminder

earlier

I am crying and it is raining
I am disappointed
thinking about the words I love
the ones you use to help you lie

I was crying and it was raining
I thought about your hell
and all of the drugs you take
to take you there

I am breathing and praying
and thinking of then
when I was young and I didn't know
that there was a difference

fleur de lis

it is hard to stand up and walk straight
all of the time
sometimes it even feels like
it is going against nature
but we have to do it

fire bombings

you tortured my dream last night
destroyed my neighbors' homes
one before the other
far away
and then closer to me
I began to pack my bags
while my sister started doing drugs
and if it wasn't a bomb
it was a tornado
I parked my car in a safe place
the first round of officers showed up
but they started doing drugs too
and in the dream I was grateful
because it gave me more time to gather
every little thing
that I thought
was important

that's when the helicopter showed up

reinventing the will

i just think you shouldn't be an atheist
you're the one who insinuated
god has a beard

my mother

there is nothing
in this world
so wonderful
as you by my side
your palm
outstretched
my world yours to have
she said

back when her hands
were fuller than mine
but not as small
as they are now
i would line up our pointer fingers
and wonder when my reach
would be as far as hers

be good do good
she would say
every single morning
and that made sense
 i would still correct her though
but we both knew
there was no better way
 to say such a thing

this morning I noticed
how young she still is
made a wish and did some dishes
while she tried on different outfits
could see my mother
ten years ago
and thought about the irony
of all the shoes she has given me

mom has this way of showing up
in the middle of places
you would never expect to meet her
she says hello and laughs
and somehow doesn't get
any of the jokes exactly
and suddenly all of the jokes
are funnier because of her

a man will see her and turn around
fall so madly in her direction
she will politely catch them
let them down nicely
everywhere she goes
that same thing the entire time
you kind of want to be like
what? you've never seen a pretty girl before

mothers must see
us the same
way the light
sees the day
body of weight
releasing the passenger
they were carrying
creating a you

daughters and sons
my mother says
be good
to the ones who you love
do good
for the ones who love you
so there's nothing left to fret about
everyone is happy

two lips

my life has never been taken from me
but it changes everyday
I reset my alarm clock often
wake up when the spirit moves me

last night I cried myself to sleep
this morning I gave myself to you

here
you can have me
I am yours

then we sat in the sunlight
and spoke of dandelions and rabbits
magnolia trees and weeping willows
and I remembered it was May

so I stopped asking for permission
instead I am asking for providence

here
where the flowers bloom
it is yours

Blossom

a madwoman and a saint
the difference between the two
the madwoman knows not what she does
a saint do