Friday, December 31, 2010

meter rates 222-2222

you laughed
i heard

i looked
you walked

and drove
passed me

i speak in words
because the body
has a language
all its own

some time
real soon

you will
kiss me

or I'll
kiss you

that's a
promise

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Teachers, Poets, and Children

There are three types of people
Teachers, poets, and children
One who can sing
One who can dance
And the one who can
sing and dance with them

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Fences

it's okay
to feel or to think
you're the only one
who feels this way
desperate

it's alright
to wake up alone
and touch empty space
the other side
of your bed

it's okay
to feel and to think
everything is
affecting you
good or bad

it's alright
to wake up alone
and touch empty space
and feel empty
desperate

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Christmas Poem #5

Christ and the Human Condition
and Gift Bearers
and an Acceptance
of Everything More or Less than what is Given

Clearly I Did Not Know Jesus
He and His Words
were Marked and Remarked
Before My Time in Regards to Our Existence

in regards to our existence

i'm gonna be

the best damn person

i could ever be

tie your shoes

i'm not sure what those wires mean
but every once in a while
a pair of shoes
get laced up and draped
over one of them

it's just as good as graffiti
and i am more concerned about
who wore those shoes
and give less thought to
who tossed them up there

PICTURES, DRIED BLOOD & BLACK EYES

I WISH YOU WOULD HAVE TAKEN IT BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT SOMETIMES I HIDE IT IN A CHEST OR I WILL LIGHT A CANDLE ON MY DRESSER AND PROP YOU UP AGAINST MY LAMP BESIDE THE CANDLE IN A HOPEFUL WAY

CAPS LOCK

MY NEPHEW ASKED ME TO WRITE A POEM
IN CAPS LOCK
THEN HE ASKED
ARE YOU WRITING IT TO THE WHOLE WORLD
ARE YOU
HE READ WHAT WE HAD WRITTEN SO FAR
OUTLOUD
AND SAID
YOU WRITE THE REST
I HESTITATED
THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT I WANTED HIM TO SAY
HE SAID
WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG
HE SAID
IT JUST TAKES SO LONG SOMETIMES
HE ASKED
IS IT DONE
IS OUR POEM DONE
HE SAID
JUST BE DONE
JUST SEND IT

Friday, December 24, 2010

threading needles and untangling knots

the news hit me hard
but i'm always up
for being the hero

and you didn't ask
for money this time
you just asked for christmas

so i delivered
i used my savings
and that wasn't easy

but it was worth it
to see my nephew
in the grips of belief

we wish you were here
single working mom
this one's for my sister

pretty and perfect
sweet beyond belief
Jacey Lynne Zuniga

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Natural

after Santa came
we took a nap
me
my mom
my nephew
her dog
and my cat
in my bed
i never slept so well

now Santa is gone
and my nephew
asked
outright
how he
fit through my
fireplace
and i said
don't you watch the movies

the sun is down now
the night is here
long
past eve
just now
you and me
and tonight
and you said
or should i keep moving

i can't answer that
it doesn't mean
what
i think
you think
it might mean
and tonight
i just want
you to be still with me

Fairy Tale

i am a fairy mermaid princess
a castle an emerald city
a rabbit an elf and a beanstalk

a cigarette is a magic wand
only i get to make wishes on
and my ashtray is overflowing

my new tattoo is a tiara
your aimless heart is a glass slipper
maybe i could try it on for size

my dishes dance sing and wash themselves
my bed smiles while i am sleeping
and i'm a beauty while i'm awake

poetry is every lamppost
and every street corner is you
and the whole world is a street corner

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Cheyenne

tonight
not only do i have this new wonderful friend
but i have a free spirit
and my soul isn't heavy
anymore

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Non Issues

my parents protected me

they treated me like a person

and let me make decisions


sometimes against my will
during those times

i would get a quick tug

be wrenched out of wonderment

sometimes it hurt a little

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Fly on the Wall

on the way home
i caught every green light
and saw an american flag
larger than life
on the back of a harley
and i cried and wanted to give you the poem
that i wrote
while i was thinking about you
and tonight
while you were on stage
perfect in black
i imagined asking you to be my friend
because if we were
i could have read the poem
that i wrote
while i was thinking about you
and someone i love
cried tonight
openly and privately
and it made me feel like crying too
and this is the poem that i wrote
while i was thinking about you

visions

i had a vision of me
of us
walking down a gray street

but what i could see
was me
but through your eyes

it felt nice
to see
your me

somehow
that gray day
sure made my smile
shades and shades brighter

i like
winter
more now

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Christmas List

i want to speak out of turn

i want to type out each word

i want a feather

or which ever one comes first



i want to not smoke as much

i want to not think as much

i want to not want

things that begin with a not

Sunday, December 12, 2010

reoccuring

i felt awake
in my bed
late last night

then one by one
a procession
began to pass
by and through me

it was strange
lying there
feeling that

each time one passed
the wind picked up
then they were gone
and the wind died

one after
the other
and again

maybe i was asleep
maybe i was alone
maybe i am lying

but the wind was real

Saturday, December 11, 2010

pastel

sometimes i understand lassos

it strikes me at the most peculiar moments

is as if a rope appears in my hands

perfectly knit and tied

lovely little thing meant just for me

to draw something in

realize i have to know what i want to capture

nothing outside of these moments

has seemed important or

changed what i thought was me

Creates a Medium

sometimes it is perfectly lovely to realize
nothing has changed
it is exactly the same
the sky is blue
clouds are imaginary
a cynic is a saint
to all the would be cynics
and today is beautiful
to all the would be saints

Friday, December 10, 2010

i'm not a turtle

if you know me
you know i get excited

once you humiliated me
i think it was a misunderstanding

i appreciate you
taking the time
to read something
that was mine

but i never asked you to grade it
you did that on your own

it's not that i don't want to say hello anymore
it's that I did and you didn't say anything

this is just
something that was
on my chest
now it's not

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Times That I Cry

i talk about it

but i never tell anyone

about the times that i cry

it's not very often

that anyone knows

that i am sad

i am sad
all of the time

everytime i laugh

or remember your face and name

it's because we have to die

so i want to show you

that we are alive

laugh with me
remember me

i am fatherless

and my family is homeless

we only have each other

mother sister brother

and li'l ol' me

we get by
we're really close

what gets me the most

what really tempers happiness

is the loneliness i feel

not knowing how to heal

the rest of the world

that's just me
that's why i cry

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Sensitivity to Inanimate Objects

trash speaks to me
leaves speak to me
little rocks speak to me

they say

pick me up

so i speak up

i say

what are you doing here
look how pretty you are
where'd you come from

people look at me like I'm crazy

Monday, December 6, 2010

to: aah from: me

i am sorry
for the times I promised you i would
call you
and didn't


i am sorry
that your heart hurts and no one here has
held you
close enough

you deserve more
than a fantasy or a passing
of eyes
over you


i feel stuck too
and i don't always know what to say
to you
or anyone

i will say this
everything you do makes me smile
straight through
and sideways

Sunday, December 5, 2010

keep going

coming off nerves is a real high
coming off a real high
can be a bummer

pretty girl wishes
are wishes for people
to stop seeing ugly


what is the meaning of
this warm december
you got me


practice daily
being the person
you want to be


if i were me
oh wait
if i were me


i just got
up for no reason
and swept all of my floors

well for no other reason
than clearly
they needed a good sweeping

you know what else
I might even mop today
you know I am crazy like that

Friday, December 3, 2010

elephant retirement home

i feel like our minutes could move the earth
as if you could put your ear to the ground
and hear us moving

the rumor is the weather will change tomorrow
well i heard it was changing everyday
i guess there's something special about tomorrow

Thursday, December 2, 2010

sticky note

if you grant the expected
you have to grant the unexpected

I've taken to thinking outloud in my apartment

some things just don't appeal to certain people

one of my favorite things to talk about is my train of thought

falling in love is fun
can't wait to do it again

feel all big teeth and long nails

my lows must hover just above most people's highs

it's always a poem

I think it is fair to say I am a romantic

I've been using the word warp a lot recently
mainly because I have been playing records
and most of them are warped

feel like
I feel
like something else

self assessment

i love when the starch is the star of the show

i love secret magic music

I am suspended in space

showing up

two birds making circles
one heart shaped balloon going up up up

I think these birds will stick around this winter
they seem in no hurry to go any where

and you probably could see a balloon every day
if you were always looking for one

all this from five minutes
of looking out my window

yeah yeah

I swear to God
there is one voice in my head
or at least there's only one
that's answering


Today I spoke
to eight sets of eyes and ears
so I was extra thoughtful
of not swearing

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

puzzle piece and ballgown

once I found a puzzle piece
in an elevator
I may as well have found
a million dollars
it meant everything to me

I carried that puzzle piece
around with me for years
thinking knowing hoping
that any day now
I'd find somewhere to place it


once I bought a ballgown
from a second hand store
for the bargain price of
one measly dollar
it was silk and burgundy

I carried that ballgown
around with me for years
thinking knowing hoping
that any day now
I'd find some place to wear it

Saturday, November 27, 2010

snoitcejorp ciahcra

it's open for interpretation
but I would like to put a spin on it

embrace your insanity
let it help make you sane

for me it was words inaudible words
so I just started saying them

A million different little words
that always said one thing

I love you
Do you love too

I'm not pointing a finger (at you)
I usually generally speak

I think we can do better
I think we are doing better

feel like

feel like
maybe
is good enough

feel like
extremes
are natural

feel like
yeah yeah
I'm excited

feel like
pretty
glad to be here

feel like
I could
do this all night

feel like
music
is something else

feel like
this is
exactly that

feel like
always
is a good thing

feel like
never
is sometimes said

Friday, November 26, 2010

breakfast

two eggs over easy with fried potatoes, toast, and too much butter

Thursday, November 25, 2010

On Giving Thanks

I said a prayer for all the people traveling today

and thought

marmalade colored leaves

were a pleasant distraction from the rain



My neighbor's back is bent and he rarely looks up

he can't

his spine has bowed his head

I think he seems to always be in prayer



Usually my prayers are only words of thanks

thank you

thank you thank you thank you

(oh, and could you please end this pointless war?)



I have been thinking about cloud busting recently

like now

and sometimes I do it

make the sun shine with a thought and a prayer

Not a Poem

I woke up to my phone beeping intermittently
Family and friends sending me thank yous
My window sills are collecting water
and I remember I left the laundry in the dryer
I feel well rested and warm in my bed
but slide out from underneath the covers
and go fetch my clean clothes
my sister calls and I tell her I wish I was there
but think I might have dinner at the Capitol by myself
she said it's sad
she said it is the saddest thing she has ever heard
I tell her I am proud that being myself doesn't bother me
there are two mirrors in my apartment
and one finally catches sight of me
mascara
my face is tear streaked and I remember falling asleep on my
loveseat
I always avoid my bed when my heart hurts
I remember waking up in the middle of the night
alone in my living room
in full dress
and crying
then thinking better of it
It was five a.m. and I put on my pajamas
wrote a poem in my head
wrote a letter in my head
said a speech in my head
replayed the whole day back in my head
made a to do list
and went back to sleep in my bed

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

literal translations

i was listening with my left ear
and not caring with my right

other people's conversations

usually it's not my business
but i have to half listen

for unspoken invitations

this season has me working harder
extra careful with my nights

i can't shake feeling satisfied

tonight i'll wear my fall dress
in honor of the season

drink to everything that has died


or


you are my pretty friend
and you were the handsome cousin
of another pretty friend
so I had to listen in
on what you were saying
but it did not pertain to me

the holidays are here
we're busy at the bakery
and cold nights are here
so I've pulled out my sweaters
but I stay warm by the
power of positive drinking


or


I hear everything because I'm always listening.

It's not all the time that anyone says anything.

But sometimes we do.

I am good at my job and when we're busy I know it.

I pick out my work clothes the night before.

And dress up before I go out drinking.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

details

So I threw out the yellow roses
the red, white, and pink ones too
and the replacement sunflowers
are dying
strangled in a green vase
but they sure brighten up the place

I scrubbed my apartment for hours
swept, mopped, and disinfected
replaced all of the trash liners
got real high
on clorox and windex
thinking on what I could clean next

I left you sleeping without a word
to go hang plaques and pictures
with my boy replacement girl friend
got real high
on coffee, milk, and tea
wondered if you would wait for me

Oh so now I'll just run some errands
carouse the watering hole
replace my body for your eyes
go say hi
and hope it's obvious
I'm not into apppearances

Monday, November 22, 2010

haiku

sometimes you wake up to find
the sky overcast
your intentions the same way

it gives me comfort to know
you can't read my mind
only the words on the page


it cannot be stressed enough
living is easy
it is the dying that's hard

haikus are about nature
haikus do not rhyme
the first one is a haiku

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Hanging Pictures

i was facing a wall
i was hammering a nail
i was finding the balance

exposing a canvas
the wall all but disappears
quietly holding the frame

i sat down beside you
i sat and stared in wonder
i sat between you and yours

we were quiet at first
proud for different reasons
thankful for the company

i said that it was sad
i said it's hard to say bye
i said I know they will sell

we finished our coffee
we put on hats and jackets
and left our new gallery

Monday, November 15, 2010

worms and outcasts

kitty has worms
I don't want to talk about it

Sunday, November 14, 2010

descending

last night i practiced
time travel
moving backward
and forward
I used a pocket knife
to peel your apple
I ate the skin
and left the rest for you

today I asked you
if I could stand
close to you
and thought
about symbolism
and words
and falling asleep at daybreak

some people go
their whole lives
without listening
to the words they speak
their tongues thick
with chatter and gossip

i think i could imagine
being caught
in a moment
the moment somehow becoming more me
than I am

other times I enter into a moment
and i can't think of anything
and wait patiently
for you to tell me I am pretty

last night we sat on my hardwood floor
and you told me you noticed my perfume bottles
and all I could do was take off my clothes

I think I could listen to you
all day

and all night

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Normal Conversations

Eight year old Eli asked me if I was a Christian.
I set in on my explanation and he interrupts me,

"So you don't think it's made-up? It's not fake. There was a Jesus."

Later he caught a headache that brought him to tears. He thanked me three times.

"Why are you thanking me Eli?"

Earlier I had used the words "hypocrite" and "hypocricy".
I was saying what I thought Jesus would say.

"Because you're always so nice. You laugh all the time. Thank you."

Later I began to retell the story to a new friend. And I couldn't.
I don't remember what was said after that.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Rome

Here I am
more than I can say
that's why I didn't say anything
just tried to look into your eyes

Mine are gray

sometimes blue
or kind of hazel
and you should see how they look at you
and I shouldn't be so quick to give

Me to you

Sunday, October 31, 2010

.r.e.l.i.c.

remedy

sometimes you don't need space
you need closeness
you need to imagine the things closest to you
somehow are healing you


existentialism

one day I'll invite you
to live with me
to live in the empty space of my living room
one long breath at a time


loss

you're not mine anymore
you are not mine
you are not mine to have and hold close anymore
you're not mine anymore


inside

you'll never really know
its true make up
it's the true embodiment of the elements
you're just in the body


culture

maybe you are like me
sing songs and dance
sing songs about people to people who sing songs
may we be together

Saturday, October 30, 2010

bracelets and charms

it's been ten years
ten whole years
and now


I remember the first time
and though I didn't cry
tears had filled my eyes

now my right wrist suffers sympathy pains
and I'm aware of the sensation
as I stare at my brand new scar


this time there was no sign of tears
and the value far outweighed the loss
I quoted the cost of when I was young


my heart still races
my senses are alert
what did I just do to me


besides commit
forever
to me

Sunday, October 24, 2010

das reading or Life Is German to Me

well I did it
I can say that much
and now I'm kind of drunk and high
but really neither of both
because I don't really know how I feel

I made a joke about how it was my first time
and maybe that's how I feel
like it's my first time
to do anything
and I still just want to love someone

and wonder without fail
why
no
one
loves
me


that
way

and my mom's in town
and we've been sharing a bed
and I can feel myself being young again
while she cooks me breakfast
or lets me sleep in

and somehow I talked her out of going to the reading
which means I'm stranger than I know
because she really wanted to be there
and I really needed her to be there
because she would have brought me flowers

and no one else did

I think I just want some flowers

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

pictures are never in real time

once i slept with a photographer
afterwards
he asked me if he could take my picture
I laughed
and said no


and the singer songwriter
wrote a song about me
without my permission
so keep your ears out
for the girl with the sunny disposition

another time I fell in love with an artist
or maybe he fell in love with me
either way
I painted his bedroom vintage gray
and asked him to paint a picture of me

long before that
in a fit of hysteria
I let a republican fuck me sideways
and I cringe everytime
I make his fucking double short lattes

most recently
there was a keyboardist
and before then
a frontman
and both made me think I could love them

and that's why I kissed them

kissing is a euphemism

pocket change

My headboard is a window
and a person has made their bed
on the other side

I can hear him sleeping
I can't sleep

We are three inches
and a window pane
away from each other

I stir and listen
I can't sleep

Maybe I should call the cops
or leave a friendly note
but I hurt for the other side

Monday, October 18, 2010

predecessor

she said

I don't want someone's pity
I want someone
who is as fucked up as me

and we laughed
and there was no pity in our laughter

later

I told her I was nervous
and shy around new people
she said then it's a good thing
that I knew everybody

but it only reminded me
of how few people

knew me

Thursday, October 14, 2010

good reaction of the moon

life is a testament to pain
tattoos are that too

I'm sorry

I'm sorry and I was stupid
stupid and stood up

thoughtful me

he's handsome and I was jealous
jealous and joyless

you're pretty

you're as pretty as lightning
know here as nowhere

lucky you

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

too small to see

i have a friend that's so petite
you'll miss her if you blink

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Something Sweet About All Mankind

I've got nothing to prove
so maybe that means I've got nothing to hide

I smoke a pack every other day

Ben asked me who the most famous person I ever slept with was
and I told the truth

and Ben was impressed

that's the thing about the people I know
they always seem to know the people I don't

Saturday, October 9, 2010

completely imaginary

i bet you've done cocaine together

she's got a cocaine body

and an affinity for pictures of her mouth

dead daddy dreams

my favorite dream is that you never died at all
and we talk and laugh and live
and then I wake up
and you die all over again

other times I know I'm dreaming
and somehow you know you're in my dream
and I never want to wake up
and it doesn't matter that you died

then last night I found you in my sleep
and had to tell you
because you didn't know
that you died two and a half years ago

you were so disappointed
the news caught you so off guard
I wish I had kept it to myself
you didn't look fifty-one

then I woke up

and someone I knew was outside of my window
she was walking and talking and I knew her
and I thought
I should run out side and tell her

that I heard her

my phone doesn't ring

tonight I am staying in and drinking a bottle of wine
I will take off all of my clothes
and stare at myself in the mirror

I will wonder why you didn't call me

tonight I am staying in and contemplating pain
I will take off all of my inhibitions
and think about Christ and the human condition

I will wonder why you didn't call me

tonight I am staying in and nursing my frozen hips
I will stretch and bend and dance
and make promises to be a better person

I will wonder why you didn't call me

tonight I am staying in and cursing aesthetics
I will stare at myself in the mirror
and make promises to accept my flaws

I will wonder why you didn't call me

tonight I am staying in and writing something true
I will mean every word I say
and I hope I am not full of shit

I will wonder why you didn't call me

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Fraction of a Fraction


you can have me
if you want me

we could break down the walls
crack the foundation

we could carefully
lovingly
thoughtfully
tend to each crack
in such a way
that it will never be torn again
together

Bohemian



I am violently opposed to prescription medication
but emphatically believe in flowers
I keep bouquets in every room
Gladiolas, Zinias, Sunflowers,

and other pretty weeds
Admittedly, none of the above bloom all year long
so I recommend you supplement with a love song
or two
I want you to know I'm not judging you
I do not know your pain

but neither does your pharmacist

but if you break your wrist
Or burn your skin
Or have a tooth yanked out
I recommend you share your drugs

Monday, October 4, 2010

The Long Drawl

Everytime I see you I say hello
and you ignore me
or say hello to the air
and walk away

It's hard for me to understand
a bridge on fire

Once you told me you were disappointed
in your friends and me
because we were talented
and always drunk

But you were drunk when you said it
whiskey on ice

Monday, September 20, 2010

Pretty Girl Wishes She Was Naked

It's been two months since I've had sex
I'm slowly but surely getting used to the idea
of not having sex
I make my bed religiously
Wear see-through slips to bed
Shave my legs every night
Turn the air conditioner up real high
Stack blankets on top of me



There are high ceilings in my fantasies
Some boy turning me over onto my stomach
kissing my back and neck
pressing me against a concrete wall
ambulances in the distance
sirens
I am naked and he presses me against his headboard
helpless and captured in a pose hung from a wall



Maybe he met me on a blind date
Maybe he told me once that I wrote something good
Maybe he told me he loved me after his show
Maybe he made me an hour late for work
Maybe he was mesmerized by my body

All those boys
so quick
to comment on my body

All those boys
should know
girls are more than a body

Friday, September 17, 2010

Unicorns

SEPTEMBER

It's that summer drone
the tease of a cool breeze
then the heat
as stiff as it was before
and the fabric against your skin is wet
you smell yourself
over and over
Is that me?
That is me.

tinker bell
(THE FIRST ODE TO TRACY DEAN)

Tinker Tinker Sweet Tracy Bell
I know you want your William Tell
but to this boy what will you say
to send him on his merry way
A Kiss
A Knod
A Fine Farewell
I love you dearly
Sweet Tracy Bell

peter pan
(THE FOURTH ODE TO TRACY DEAN)

if Peter Pan ever thought to make his bed
he'd make it just like you
he'd have you to dinner
as the guest of honor
inviting you to take his seat
Wendy Darling would reset the plates
remind the lost boys to mind their manners
but they'll remind her it is Saturday
and then everyone will dance

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Collaspible Expressions

she couldn't take it seriously

everyone standing upright and rigid
shoulders thrown back
breasts held high
smiles frozen in time
awaiting their capture

so her chest caves in
her face explodes

suddenly she no longer exists
and thinks
a thousand words
when taken seriously
are worth far more than any photo

putting her head down
drawing in her breath
she takes off in a sprint
never thinking to look behind her
or wonder if the camera loves her back

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Structured Thought

coffee, cream, and sugar

I like my coffee to be the color of my skin
and it may be a little too sweet for you
and I would make it even sweeter
but cavities worry me

pinot noir, pot, and paranoia

Sometimes my lips and teeth are the color of my wine
and cigarettes aren't the only thing I smoke
These days I'd just rather be alone
I might not replace my phone

fourteen, twenty-eight, and beyond

I get crushes and it's like I'm still in junior high
none of my crushes liked me in junior high
I graduated ten years ago
so I'm wiping the slate clean

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Lock Your Keys in Your Car

One shouldn't romanticize suicide bombings
but I will anyways
I wonder who remembers your name
because I fear they must hate you the most
(the mothers of the victims)
but hope some love you despite you
( you must have had a mother)
I guess I want to romanticize
because it seems impossible to rationalize
murder and hijackings and a collapsible skyrise



Western and eastern thought and religion
or medicine
I live on East Capitol Avenue
and West Little Rock is sprawling (and gross)
completely inconvenient
unless you live on that side of town
But I live on East Capitol Avenue
Create my own thoughts
Create my own religion
I live in your sin (create my own medicine)

Sin has lost all meaning
you want to commit a crime against god?
kill a plane full of people
curse a nation of people
detonate the bomb strapped to your chest
condemn a man for his beliefs
write off school of thought
declare you're the only one that's right
refuse to accept
Refuse to accept.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

getting rained on indoors

I was quick to grab the dirty towels
I was writing a poem
'existenialism and spellcheck (in that order)'

I was sitting on the corner of my bed
my laptop perched on the window sill
my body at an angle

it starts to rain

I have a brilliant thought
I want to open my blinds
the streetfacing ones
I open my blinds

I pull on that cord and it trips a bucket of water
I am sitting in the middle of the rain
puddles gather around me
I am pulling my bed to the middle of the room

what is that noise?
I almost use a dress to gather the spill

I unplug my alarm clock
I pause
I leave my lamp plugged in
and the seashells and rocks on the window sill

I stand by the window
I'm standing in the middle of the rain
I close the blinds

the record player hums
I wonder how long it will rain
it stops raining

I smell my sheets


I'm romanticizing floods
wonder what I would contribute
and can't help but think
my dresses would make a pretty sail

Monday, September 6, 2010

Terry says, "You Don't Like Black Folk"

pit stains on my pretty dresses
don't make me feel bad
not even the one I paid full price for
but I do feel bad
that I never wear that dress
so I'm wearing it now
and have all day
sitting out on the street corner
while the bums introduce themselves
to me
one by one
they all want a cigarette
and a beer
and a laugh
it's hard for me to say no
I always have one or the other
tyrone and calvin and rick and robert jr.
i can't help but rememer their names
and I ask them
one by one
to keep an eye on me
as I pass them a handful of camel lights
and I remember
each and every time
that I am friendly to a fault
and wonder what it means
to be me
or to be Tyrone, Calvin, Rick, or Robert Jr.
or Terry, who just got my last cigarrette

Sunday, September 5, 2010

614

Life's Work

Anything worth having is hard work
and chances are
you should work harder




Cheap Thrills

I love that I can take thoughts like these seriously :

(insert quotation mark here)


I'm currently only reading me.
Wait, maybe Conor Oberst is my one true love.
I wish I had two hands.
Why isn't there something you can take that just makes you want to clean? Oh yeah, crystal meth. Fuck.
You can't beat that with a shtik. Yuk Yuk Yuk.
I just want to be here and be life-like.
New Orleans is a very well designed city.
I phone.
Maybe I'm God.
I'm gonna die alone and sad.
What if I was the most beautiful person in the world?
Wait, maybe I am Tracy Dean.
I don't care.


(end quotation mark)

Anthology


Wine on sunday helps




The only thing on my grocery list is drano and razors
infer what you will
but i think it means
i want to take a shower with you




All these beautiful people
i barely know where i fit in





Finis

I've never been one to burn anything
but I do go bra-less every chance I get






Hold on to now for all it's worth.

God is Not an Editor

You have to correct your own mistakes.

Epic Sunday

to be honest, I misunderstood the word, "anthology"

Arkansas summers are a stumped toe
It hurts real bad at first
a dull constant heat
then it just goes away


Stevie Wonder is My New Favorite Person

sometimes I close my eyes and just start typing
like now
my fingers know where every word is hidden
I smile to myself when I complete a thought
getting lost in the tapping of the keys
what I'm saying is
I am Stevie Wonder


Gio and Bum

I've got a dove
I've got a dove a blue jay and a cardinal
and a poem slot machine


Utopia

It hurts my feelings
that you somehow managed
to dream up drawbacks
to perfect dreams

Friday, September 3, 2010

Disgrace

Tuesday was Meggie's surprise birthday party

Wednesday I found two buttons on my passenger seat
My breastbone was proof and was bruised and was sore

Before that I walked from downtown to the bar
Lecturing and pep-talking myself the whole way

Thursday and Friday was police reports
My pointer finger was naked and was useless
Everyone was demanding something to reclaim my belongings

I kept thinking
I don't want to be jaded
I don't want to be jaded

Saturday I walked to work at sunrise and felt afraid
I was making a double mocha and I started to cry
I made a butterfly in the foam with the chocolate

I told you I think I might break down
I felt violated. I felt stupid. I felt regret.
But something inside of me said plainly and simply
Just be you

So instead of crying or cursing thieves
I said a prayer for the small man
I said a small prayer for every  man
And I took back what you had stolen from me

Because Mister, You can't steal my convictions

So to the man who robbed me in the middle of the night
I hope you enjoyed the short time you spent with me
Because it is very rare that a man like you
has the pleasure of the company
of a woman like me

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Really but Not Really but Really

Want me to tell you what I do in my apartment
I dance and move things around
Watch my feet in the mirror
Organize my thoughts and things
Try on dresses one by one

A lot of time is spent in front of my computer
Or sitting in my kitchen
Making and checking off lists
Music keeps me company
I sing when I know the words

Little projects are stashed in drawers closets and corners
I clean out my old purses
Little pieces of paper
Remind me of thoughts I had
Or nights I had forgotten

I try to stay busy or rest as much as I can
Tinkering with the balance
Sometimes I stay up too late
Or sleep too much on Sundays
Either way I wake up fine

Friday, August 27, 2010

Togetherments and Complexes

Away

I want to be a wild animal
wth primary colors
something feathered
talking
talking
fluttering
No, no I take it back
I want to be a pirouette



Regretful

I shouldn't say it's simple
Love is simple
And I can't take it back




Capitol and Rock

I wish a was a totem pole
and you could stack different versions of me
on top of me
until I seemed complete

In my mind you are a catch
but this is a totem pole
so there's no line to throw



Explaining Away the Absent

Well there are only so many souls to have
and only so many bodies to have them
so some of us had to go without them
That's why we share

Monday, August 23, 2010

New Apartments

I can't live like this
chasing after candles that won't light
believing in a love that is common
but not commonplace
but I do
and I have
and I will
and sometimes I cry
and it feels like everything inside of me is outside of me
unreachable
and I cry
because I don't know what else to do

Monday, August 9, 2010

Yes!

I would like a rodeo
to pick me up
buck me 'round a while

or let pirates steal me away
they could paint my eyes black
I do that anyways

I would pick a fight with a stranger
sing a war song
bruise another eye

put on a hard glare
but I can't sing another war song
and you have the most beautiful eyes

Sometimes I completely exit reality
Beg to be countered
Beg to be heard

And I will put it all out there
And you should too
because there is only little ol' me
and then there is you

Fedoras

The knowing is in the doing
I've been having trouble sharing my life with people
because I've been busy with thinking
and thinking
and thinking

Well I never said there was action lost in thought
but most of us aren't mind readers
and the better part of us
think seeing is believing
Seeing is believing.

Names

Torn apart
Presented in pieces
I hope the entire picture is not lost

I showed up wearing my Betty Crocker dress
halfway through the set
I was the only one dancing
until the night wore on

The calender was a good plan
Pre-emptive preparations
for a sadness that cannot be measured
A happiness you cannot outlive

My movements do have intentions
sometimes my words do not
Sometimes I count and deliver

I wonder why I let it carry me away
and search for measure and order

of the highest choir of voices
and something I never considered
to be true

To be true.

And so what if it is perfect the first time
Never quite to be the same again
Different is okay too

Remember the time I was beautiful
and I do the same for you

Because I don't believe in odds
on this particular occassion

Hats

There's a girl that wears her heart on her sleeve
She's above the law
When she laughs just so at some secret thought
About a boy out there who glows in the dark
He says go as you please
And the girl she just smiles
Happiness stretched across her face

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Jolene

There must be something more


much more than what I've pretended to know


not much more than what I've known


all I know is love





One time, last New Year's Eve


I drank champagne until I couldn't stand


so, naturally, I fell into a Magic Hassle set


The bass player picked me up so quick





I gathered my bearings


along with my floor length leather coat


and found myself in the parking lot


Hey Baby, Baby you should take a shot





Well, everything else I learned from fairy tales


and the admissions of musicians and friends



Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Negative Space









I could feel my body pressing into the earth

realized the earth had stopped pressing back



so I practiced being weightless




Friday, July 23, 2010

Metronomic

art and physics seem above me
nothing seems beneath

some thoughts I wish to attain
I pass the the goals I reach

look back from time to time
to see how far we've come

try to memorize everything around me
in case it comes undone

when I'm not writing
I can barely sit still

watch as the light fluxes in the room
fixate on anything I could do

to help you or make me feel better

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Houses and Landscapes

just keeping moving them hands
bending them knees

don't be restless

do the things you have to do
as if you want to

and there are some things
you should never do

write a poem
or plant a garden of posies

share and share alike
worry less about your wrinkles

oh just have a happy heart
make a scene
with your happy heart

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

...within the confinements of my words...

Not once today did I notice my intentions
I noticed a rhythm and a thought

You, who I only ever knew once
Knew once that I loved you

Loved you with my whole body
Or heart or delusion or fantasy

But I am a lover
not a fighter

And am exceptionally skilled
at passing the time in front of me

Thursday, July 15, 2010

you don't even know her

this town makes me think of you
because it feels like home
every time
I think of you


these words are very shy
and I am thoughtful to a fault
faultless
in some thoughts

I remember what you said
about my body and pretty girls
and love
how many lies did you tell that night?

I met some girl the other night
who said fuck every other sentence
and I cringed and felt violated

You met some girl the other night
who cringes and feels embarrassed
every time she wishes she knew your address 


I want to do something nice for you.


Monday, July 12, 2010

The Dress I Wore to Work Monday

I know one person who hates this dress
the shiny pink one with tiny flowers

the one I wore to your friends' wedding
on the way there we talked about life

I joked about my guest for sainthood
confessed I'd never been pretty before

I don't usually say such things
something about that dress untied my tongue

You wore a rented tuxedo suit
Crisp white shirt and shiny black rented shoes

I felt lucky to stand by your side
until you disappeared for an hour

You told me not to worry about her
She looked like me but alot prettier

I took off the dress you didn't like
Changed into something more appropriate

An off the rack overpriced number
that was given to me the day before

We left the afterparty early
you complimented me on the way home

Said the polka dots were much better
than the unflattering shiny pink one

I didn't feel pretty anymore
and forgot about my quest for sainthood

Saturday, July 10, 2010

p a r a M E T E R s

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

PRETEND THIS IS A WHISPER

READ IT NICE AND SLOW

SLOW AND EASY

HOW LONG DO YOU THINK THE MUSIC WILL LAST?

me?

FOREVER.

i BELEVIEVE IN LUCK

AND TIMING


OBSERVATION

AND

ULTRAVIOLET RAYS

THAT YOU CAN'T SEE IN THE DAY

BUT IN THE DARK

THEY LIGHT UP

PURPLE AND BRIGHT

Friday, July 9, 2010

$96.83

There is a girl in Little Rock
not too far from where you live

Who wears a dress like a beggar
her smile like a sinner

Every minute she thinks of you
while the seconds pass you by

Accidentally disappears
appears again and again

Gets lost in the shuffle of hands
The unfolding of bodies

The refolding of two bodies
Tangled limbs and muffled sighs

You will wish you had called her back
she wishes you called her back

Thursday, July 8, 2010

things we remember

things we forget

Twenty One Too

Same thing just different
We'll call it a couplet

A procession of pairs
Symmetrical thinking

Perpendicular lines
make crosses and exes

Something to praise or curse
but at least they crossed paths

felt the other's presence
For some lines never will

These lines are people too
Their lives, straight and narrow,

move in one direction
It is start to finish

Those ellipses you feel
(the ferris wheel you ride)

Is this (and nothing more)
-----> circular illusion

Curves, dodges and covers
roundabout ways and bends

A welcome distraction
from a very plain path

Oh now, forget about
what is chasing you down


Because the only thing
I'm trailing is one thought

I want to cross your path
Now or in the future

I'm twenty-eight years old
And know what vector means

(and what the fucking fuck)
(this doesn't seem like me)

My poems are people too
I'm writing about you

You, who does as you will
and hurts me as you go

I only think of you
Have you forgotten me

So what I'm saying is
say something already

unexpected

it still hurts

how could you not know

that it would hurt

loving

forgiving and forgetting

it hurts to always be the good guy

but it hurts no matter what

at the beginning of the day

remember

you are either absolutely wrong

a little bit right

or happy all the way through

Monday, July 5, 2010

Quickly; Last Night

I could barely stand up straight

My chest exposed (my heart)

Bare boned and purple hued

She tuned her pedal steel



Chased him across the room

One decision made

No more I could make

The barkeep picked the shots



I heard the music set in

My bones did move (my heart)

Secrets were told and heard

She twirled me for me



Sat in on my conversation

So pretty is she

We get lost in her wake

The drummer struck up the band



I danced to the music

Let him inside (my heart)

World lit up like a firecracker

We see the twinkle still



Followed me to the stage

One decision made

My gaze he did take

The universe collapsed in his arms

sex love vanity punctuation implied

My thighs are still trembling
Only an hour has passed
I remember the want
Between laughter shared with friends
Innuendos as blunt as a girl
That bares no razor edge
No hidden desire to hurt
Or bruise knees or make ends

All I know is love

I missed the purple lamp
The sun room that glows at night
Where I wait for your want
Between shared laughter with friends
My corner of the city
That knows no deed unkind
No words against our sisters
This corner screams with my amens

And I am screaming

I scream with a want
Not from pain or fear
Or some vanity to be seen or heard
For unity to be shared from sea to sea
And every corner of every city
To know no deed unkind
No crimes against our brothers
I scream for you and me

To only know love

And I am screaming

The Day After We Were Free

The day before was a revival
Yes or no
Believers and spirits
and the tortured eyes fallen in between
We sang for you, we sang for me

The night before was a battleground
Tooth and nail
Survivors and martyrs
and those who protected the old and young
but we all fought and we all won

The moment before was a silence
Heart and soul
Lullabies and sonnets
filled the empty night and choirs were formed
finally I stood motionless

watching the bullets pass by
each one closer than the next
I wondered if one could kill a man

and the moment passed

Some watched the sun rise against the dark
Night to day
Philosophers and artists
and the enjoyment of recognition
tiny heartbeats, small fists, and drums

Today we are free

Friday, July 2, 2010

Eleven Eleven

Between a thought

and a feeling

is freedom

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Post Partum

She reaches under her shirt
scratches her stomach

He sees her
he notices everything she does

-Why do you have that red mark?

She doesn't know
she looks at her stomach

-That's where they cut you out of me.

He is concerned

-How did it grow back?

She is straightforward

-They stapled it.

He is thoughtful. He is frightened. He is relieved.

-You should be dead!

She laughs.

-I know!

She is thoughtful. She is no longer frightened. She is relieved.

-I know.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Dorothy and a Tin Man

Did you ever notice

or make a connection

or let your mind

wonder

about the girl in the red shoes

and the man made of tin



When I think of the two

I put me in her shoes

and imagine

his heart

is yours but is on down the road

somewhere closer to home



Remember when we met

You were caught in the rain

I was stealing

apples

and you wanted to speak to me

so I dampened your lips



If you had not told me

I would never have known

you were heartless

or sad

because you were so nice to me

and smiled all the time

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

A Support Group I Can Get Behind

When I drink too much
I eat
or sleep

When I eat too much
I sleep

When I sleep too much
I feel guilty

I never feel guilty
when I drink
or eat too much

When I feel guilty
I shake it off

Drinking
Eating
Sleeping too much
I can walk off

I never want too much

Food is a need
Sleep is a must
Drinking is a want
Walking is a luxury

I love luxurious food
and drink
but not too much

I dream when I'm sleeping
Drink dreams
Eat meals

Eat guilt like strawberries off a vine in your backyard
Without worry or fear of dirty fingernails
My fair share
But never too much

Cheers to much.

How

Today I fell into a parade

Put on a brave face

Juggled and declared peace more than once

Unwrapped a present

Wrote you a thousand thoughts and letters

Wondered why you cry

When I settle in along side you

Sunday, June 6, 2010

2 poems


One Man's Plight

Today is not easy. Today is not carefree.
Loss is hard.
Every life counts.
A million lightyears away,
Superman



The Hands of Holy Men

When the present becomes unbearable
the past will not let go
Find peace in the hands of holy men
in silent prayer they fold
Give them all your suffering
all the moments that block out the sun
And wait in the shade of humility
the shadow of things left undone

llulaby

romanticize until your heart bursts like confetti into empty space
imagine your lover wine
sip
taste
gulp
until your lips turn red
your head dizzy
your heart light
believe in magic
deny illusions
embrace your pain as a mother would
hold it close in your arms
whisper
it will all be okay
it will all be okay



Smoke and Mirrors



Smoke




Behind the house


I stood with you


Tasted you


An affair


Want and need


I learned to play games


Blow smoke


You made every drug better


Waking up


Your scent lingers


I hear you in my laugh


Spent my last dollar


I wash my hands of you






Mirrors




It was the moment when I heard the glass break
Unnecessary guilt ran through me
Apologies were spoken

It was the night that my father stopped breathing
The world spun in a different direction
His heart, my heart stopped beating

It was the pain unwrapped by packages of aleve
Individually torn open by youth
Cold hospital bed at dawn

It was not me or your eyes or our lost cause
Staring me down in the looking glass
Reflections are in reverse

It was a sentence I couldn't remember
A question already answered, not yet posed
Reality realized

And

Then it was the moment when I first believed
Understood why guilt was unnecessary
Thankful for the shards of light

Then it was the night I let my father go
Let the world continue on its course
Your heart, my heart beat as one

Then it was the pain unwrapped by happiness
Something I could touch and feel and see and know
A dream to put me to bed

Then it was not a why or worry or a weight
Holding on to me, I simply stepped forward
Mirrors are reflecting light

It is a submarine, a rocket, a train

A vehicle pressing us forward
Action realising thought




Saturday, June 5, 2010

Self Portrait

When people ask what became of me
answer quickly

Alcoholism and Anorexia

When they say, but she was so pretty
roll your eyes

Smoke and Mirrors

When they think outloud, why so harsh
say real self assuredly

Obviously you never met Kara Bibb

then

start in on some wild tangent about what's really wrong with the world. curse the breakdown of democracy and bad drivers and rapists and ex-lovers and haters and everyone that steals every piece of everything that is good and natural and beautiful and true in the world. make excessively theatrical arm gestures and stand up out of your chair and with a clenched fist and your head raised to the sky say over and over and over again

why are you doing this to me
why are you doing this to me
why are you doing this to me
why are you doing this to me
why are you doing this to me
why are you doing this to me

why are you doing this

and then

in mid sentence

look far and away
as if you just lost your train of thought
and then pick right back up where you left off

to me

When the people look at you and say
what does this have to do with Kara Bibb
you'll just be like

Exactly

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Candid

I mean every word I said
Remember most of them
And am especially fond of the ones I wrote down

Thought some crazy thought today
Thought you might have called me
I would have called you but I am just a southern girl

Did you know I feel foolish
A cheap dress on a rack
A one size fits all that you never tried on or wore

But how could you understand
Dresses or belles of balls
Or seeing someone see you at the exact same time

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Captured Feathers or Self Indulgence

I'm not writing about you this time
or me

This is about justice
the crumbling difference
between right and wrong
a line has been drawn
and it's not in the sand

In the face of truth
lies are brought to light
their ugliness burning
blistered and lackluster
suddenly susceptible


Because truth lives in a lie
and seeks to make itself known
the same way
blue or red or yellow is lost in black
but is still present

So I lied
because this is about me
and you

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Not About Relationships

Hear

See

Touch

Smell

Taste

Extrasensory Perception

The ability to remember is most definitely the seventh sense.

The eighth sense must be the sense of self.

Forgetting is plain ol' common sense.

Friday, May 21, 2010

212

syllables

the thought was simple enough
x amount of words
and the task of structured thought

the times were merry enough
x's in my eyes
reconstructing the night

for weeks I collected words
carried them with me
across my neck back shoulders

organized my memories
carried them with me
upon my sleeve and smile

Once I stole every word
and never felt bad
because no one owns a word

I think the man who spoke first
may have said just this
Listen I want to be heard

He knew no one understood
and he didn't care
he just needed to say it

the first woman to speak said
plainly and simply
you're not saying anything

right up until that moment
she had only thought
why will no one speak to me

Once I found love with a boy
he was delighted
to have me for company

I felt familiar and safe
or I was wide-eyed
seeing things for the first time

Love Revisited

She stands on tippy toes and renewed hope
Believes in one true love
about faces and positive thoughts
Rarely admits to tearing her skirts or being delicate
She simply loves

why gravity is not yet solved

I love the new religion
she says
and I know what we she means


Somehow I feel flattered
as if the religion is me


And I wonder about flattery
and push it back and away
until I am no longer sure where compliments end
and I begin

so I pull the world close and near
disguising belief as coincidence (or confidence)
ease as effort
hope as space

Hurt as poetry

small words as grand notions
the delicate difference

Saturday, May 15, 2010

My Tree

My Tree

My roots
Unknown
Grow carefully past stone
Through the core of the world
They reach to the other side of me


My trunk
My own
Stands gracefully, a home
Under the moon and the sun
Grateful for a shower or the promise of one


My branches
They bend
Sway sweetly in the wind
Moving in every direction but down
To the sky they reach, ever further from the ground


All that I am are the three of these
I care not for my flowers, my sap, or my leaves
Though pretty and sweet and colorful for sure
They are fleeting and nothing more
My roots, my trunk, my branches: My Tree
(The bird that perches there when she's not flying free)


Come sit on my bough
Come swing on my swing
Come live in my house
Your axe you may bring


Swing your axe all around
My tree will not be brought down
Swing your axe all around
My tree will not be brought down


When your strength has left you
When you've grown tired from the fight
You can rest up against me
Take leave of the night


When again you feel better
When you've risen from your sleep
You can sit down beside me
Take a moment to weep


Take as long as you need
Take as long as you need
Then bury your axe
Take as long as you need

Bury your axe
Bury your hate
Bury your habit
Bury your gait
Bury your skin
Bury your face
Bury your past
Bury your race
Bury your burden
Bury your sorrow
Bury you yesterday
Bury your tomorrow
Bury your want
Bury your greed
Bury your doubt
Bury your heed


Deep down in the dirt leave all of these things
Wait out the winter, look toward the spring
Don't waste the summer in dread of the fall
Grow a tree of your own, a tree for us all

Friday, May 14, 2010

COUPLET

it seems like it would be difficult
as if research should be done

instead I will just jump right in
awwwwwwww the water is fine

i believe i have told you this before
I am ready I am ready I am ready

this reminds me of the story of Noah
and two one two is my new favorite number

i've been looking for it everywhere
and it keeps showing itself to me

Love is Like a Movie

I am glad for you and will not hurt for myself
Any more than I have
Because I do
Believe
In far greater things than me
But not than you

I could not write you out of my story or thoughts
For I have tried and failed
To be alone
Before
And even after we met
But I am yours

When you sleep in my bed or I lie down in yours
My head rests on your sleeve
My heart as well
Besieged
By the safety of your arms
the home you make

Remember the time I told you I was consumed
By thought and want for peace
I surrender
Belief
To only the thought of you
And me as one

Within the confinements of my words I find grace
And offer grace to you
As fathers once
Bestowed
Offerings of gold and silk
To royal men
(For their one day fatherless daughters)

Do you hope one day you will ask me to be yours
With knees bent and head bowed
Because I do
Be mine
And teach me of forever
Of one true love

Thursday, May 13, 2010

parallel lines and mid-air collisions

forthcoming is one way to put it


forth
onward or outward in place or space
coming
approach, arrival, advent


for posterity's sake


advent
a coming into view, place, or being
posterity
succeeding or future generations collectively

I could do this all night.


What I'm trying to say is that I do not believe in embarrassment. I'm afforded that right because everything I do comes from a kind and conscientious place. My actions are thoughtful. If they are misunderstood, why would I assume the responsibility of disconcert? I do not. I will not. I am happy to sit in my skin and be me.

Me.
With my.

Delusions and tangents.
Soapbox and repartee.
Second hand clothes and first hand experience.
Grand notions and small words.
Big sisters and little brothers.
Dodged bullets and guided arrows.
Blue moon and purple pens.
Stories with no point and points with no story.
Flower vases and sharpies.
Work ethic and a will that will never won't. Or want.

I am undeniably, uncontrollably, typically, forever, always
me.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

She's Got One Magic Trick

I pinned my hair up carefully
put on perfume
stared at myself in the mirror
tucked in my tummy
Somehow I looked different
than what I imagined I could offer

to
you

And the wine filled in the blanks
and I crossed and uncrossed my legs
as if you were here
watching me change
positions and postures
prophecies and prose

go
now

so I went

Hidden Track

Words of a feather on a gentle breeze

fail to recognize the gravity

to which this situation requires

say for a moment you knew

exactly as it were meant to be known

what would you really know

I think the feather is just like I

am

trying its best to stay afloat

to have a voice in the wind

say I see you there upon my breeze

but cannot help you upon your way

I hope your path is still on course

can the feather in turn then say

make your path then upon my course

do you think the wind would halt

be caught in the tumble of the feather

kind of lose his self in the fall

Life's Work or Cheap Thrills or Anthology or Finis

Older Children

I think you created a blackhole in yourself
and the light you see
somehow becomes lost in you
you smile and laugh when our paths cross or meet
but say you are sad
holding back tears or crying
we talk of our father
he is handsome royal perfect in our memories
while mom sits between us
seeing us in the same way the light must see the day



Secret

recreating moments
is like copying your homework
down they go
the answers writ
some you know
most you forge



The Price is Right

sold
at face value
and the crowd applauds
wishing forever were a number
repeating itself
at cost



Suicide Doctrine

I killed myself once
and can remember six hundred and fourteen bathrooms
counting the ones in my dreams
I have no idea what I look like
and often prefer the company of strangers

I recreate myself as often as I forget who I am
and try to go to places I have never been
I speak as though I have an audience
and believe suicide is melancholy
I abhor melancholy



TuTu

a vision of myself for when I grow up.
unbrushed hair
a grand piano
floor carpeted with newspapers
hideabeds and holidays
when I was young.
turning five
my family threw me a birthday party
not everyone on the guest list showed up
I locked myself in our car
refused to come out
not even for my presents
I do wonder
wanting to remember
what my cake looked like that year.


Finding Poetry


he sketched scapes of her scarves
mimicking friendly monsters and mornings

she spoke seriously of sure love
mentioning many moments of musings


he suggested she seemed self occupied
so she spoke strictly in third person
alliterally




One Liners

an exception to every rule
leaves some rules without exception

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Charms for Altars

Something Old


I remember knowing I was ugly
busy crawling out of my skin
not once did I say I was ugly
but it was easy to see
so I said everything else
in grammatically correct sentences
so many words
so many nights
spent alone
wanting for the arms of another
to carry the hurt
to carry the hurt for me

Something New


hate is an absurdity
but you would rather deny dinosaurs
embrace the word nigger
than embrace mankind
you are an absurdity
and your bones will one day be fossils
heartless thin bones
silhouttes of lesser men
I will deny you
and the absurdity of your hate
you will not exist
I will deny you

Something Borrowed

a mighty king knew before me
only the light can drive out the darkness
I wear his skin
I dream his dream
I sing amen
amen
a mighty men who know better
than to cast shade on the kneeling
when they stand in the light
I stand in the light
I let it shine through me
I carry the dream

Something Blue

My sheets are blue and gray
I imagine them the sea and sky
or the sky and sea
depending upon the time of day
sometimes I would rather kill myself
than fold my hands
or iron my hair
so I dedicate corners of my bedroom
to colors shades and hues
and kneel before them
when I search for bobby pins
or gather my laundry

I Do

occupy your mind with benign thoughts
view life as an opportunity
to entertain one's self
failing to explain poetry in science
explaining science in poetry instead
forgetting what I looked like last year
quantum physics by day
rock and roll by night
impressed by diction
grand gestures complete me
consumed by a whole
greater than the sum of its parts


********************

Monday, April 26, 2010

The Only Thing Standing Between Us Is My Passenger Side Door

I cried when I walked into my mother's house
Remembering my old apartment in downtown Little Rock
Knowing it may never be as fine as it is on Friday night
I cried and said outloud,


"Why do I have to be crazy?"


I thought my bathing suit from Paris might make me feel better
So I put it on and sunbathed on the front porch
And I thought about you and how you told me you loved me
I smiled and said outloud,


"I love you too."


I let myself be my kind of crazy unrelentlingly
Adam Duritz kept me company
Convincing me I was most certainly a queen
I pretended you could hear my thoughts,


"Are you the rain king?"


And out of the clear blue sky it started to rain
Suddenly I didn't feel crazy
Except for you
And you said,


"Slow it down. Take it easy baby."


Because I didn't know what that meant I slept for twelve hours
And read all of our words over and over
Wishing I could edit the past
Because if I could I would have left it at,


"Awe loves you too."

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Meteorites

Meteorites


How soft I must seem

when you mistake my off white skin

for a bruised canvas

reflecting misguided passions

from a place I can not remember



I will not wear this skin

the way your mind sees it



Maybe I seem cold

when I casually speak of death

or disregard tears

falling quietly on shoulders

that bare lonely hearts and forgetful years



I never mistook death

for a reason not to live



Words turn to lyrics

when music replaces a lone thought

and makes melodies

of sincere accidental progressions

or your calculated decrescendo



I dreamed you back to me

and the choir sang our song



The obvious pattern breaking with your heart

as you attached yourself to a dying sun

falling from a sky so far away



We are the only witness

Friday, April 16, 2010

Other People's Houses

I like to sleep in other people's beds. When they know you're coming they change the sheets and fluff the pillows. Or otherwise feel compelled to apologize for their unmade or stale bed while pulling out extra blankets from extra closets . I don't care either way because it seems I am always tired in these moments of hospitality. So I sleep hard, wake up well rested.

Sharing a bed is one of the greatest charities one can offer.

Sharing your dreams is pretty choice too.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Dissolution is a powerful word.

88888888

I am uselessly practical outside of my element
Grassroots is a very good place to start
The law of averages is dragging us down
Stop killing yourself

88888888

Betty Boop was way ahead of her time

88888888

Cats can take up to three months to effectively adapt to a new environment.

88888888

You should see me work a room.

88888888

"Heart and Soul
I fell in love with you
Heart and Soul
just like a fool would do
Madly
because you held me tight"

88888888

America was bright
and abroad was beautiful
older than we could ever be

Democracy was true
men fought for freedoms
that their fathers only dreamed of

Neighbors were family
who gathered and celebrated
the marriage of sons and daughters

Death was a tradition
no one understood
so we all banded together


888888888

Farming is beautiful.

Careful pruning and tending.

A job best left to the honest man.

888888888

point of reference

woman-hater n. a misogynist.

misogynist n. a woman-hater

88888888

what you need is a good woman to tuck you in at night

88888888

wishbone n. the fork-shaped bone in front of the breast of most birds, formed by the united clavicles; also, called merrythought, owing to the superstician that the one of two persons who gets the larger piece in pulling it a part will gain his wish.

88888888

I'm glad I decided not to go with my earlier plan.

88888888

Thursday, April 1, 2010

April Showers

Let's plant a rosebush in your front yard

..........

Our words are a tell

They give us away

..........

she moved around as if she didn't know she was wearing clothes

............

"Do you think there will be may flowers?"

..........

Monday, March 22, 2010

I gotta stop asking people if they think I'm pretty.

I gotta stop asking people if they think I'm pretty.





- I'm worried I might be an alcoholic.

-If you're an alcoholic, we're all alcoholics.

-I know, that's why I'm worried.

He laughs.

-I'm being serious.

He's looking at my tits.

-You're not an alcoholic. Don't worry.

-I know.

I say it exhaustedly and look away. But I'm not exhausted. I am very high-functioning on a hangover. Very high-functioning.

******************************



I'm reading the dictionary again.



*****************************


I already militated once today and I might do it again. I am crazy like that.


*******************************






*******************************



I understand perpetual motion.


and eager beavers


in that order



*******************************



Opportunists totally got to pick their own name.




******************************



There is no perversion. But some things you should never do.




******************************



the go to have from do box whale necklace clock whale motorcycle lamp teeth red and blanket perfume
them's all the words I know
why did you write that
I said that
don't don't write it don't write it
don't write it

do something about this writing
do something
stop it

I want to erase all this
ooooooooooh
stop it

erase erase erase erase erase
just erase
just erase
come on

stop writing all these notes



****************************

it's hard to pick it apart when it's so well put together



****************************

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Conceit and Philosophy

I am a poet
she says
and a thousand poets smile with her

You cannot say that
he says
and her smile vanishes with his

Her heart questions him
why not
Why can I not speak of who I am

His words remind her
why not
Poets don't know what or who they are

But then who could say
I am
If to be is also not to know

That's not what I said
he thinks
You don't understand what I'm saying

But I think I do
You said
I can not say who I know I am

I'd rather you not
is all
You're just really conceited sometimes

She feels all alone
I thought
you were being philosophical

Don't be mad at me
he sighs
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings

I never said that
I was
angry or that my feelings were hurt

It's so obvious
that I've
offended you and your poetry

Her mind wanders off
crickets
I do not know what poetry is

You're being absurd
Poems
The rhyme or measure of written word

I am just kidding
I know
I was being philosophical

You are a smart ass
You think
you know everything all the time

Why would you say that
she asks
I was just trying to be funny

He lightens the mood
I know
You're about to start your period

What did you just say

I said you're about to start your period

Am I hearing you

You are this way right before you start
You kind of lose it

She asks
so I lose it right before I start

Usually yes
I'm just
saying you're being sensitive

Let me get this straight

Listen

No I really want to understand

Don't be difficult

I'm not

I am just being realistic

So me being a
poet
is somehow not a reality

Oh get over it

she looks
away and wonders about true love

He takes her picture

She speaks
I don't know what else to do or say
I'm just being me


I know

So you know when I am being me

I am exhausted

Really
Because I was about to say the
same but then it
would mean
that I wasn't exhausted at all

Can we start over
I mean
it's obvious I can't win this fight

She touches her face
Okay
We are both wrong I am a poem

Saturday, March 13, 2010

BASED UPON THE BROAD FOUNDATIONS LAID DOWN BY Noah Webster

generate is a good word
it means everything

to

bring into existence
cause to be
reproduce
procreate
produce
by a chemical process
create
by a civil or natural process
distribute
vitally and profusely
trace a figure by the motion of another
act as base for all the elements of a given set

grandeur comes to mind


is


greatness
vastness
sublimity
splendor of appearance
social distinction and display
elevation of
thought
sentiment
demeanor


gracious sounds nice


kindness
mercy
affable
polite
showing or bestowing grace


oh but grace


any excellence
characteristic attraction
endowment
natural or acquired
elegance of
action
language
beauty
embellishment
the unmerited favor and love of God toward man in Christ
divine sanctifying
regenerating
preserving influence
spiritual excellence
virtue
a brief prayer before or after meals
behaviour or demeanor
indulgence or privelage
to
adorn
honor
dignify
favor


where do we play into any of this

green and blind eyes

I think about being just anyone or being great
the delicate difference
and suffer and suffocate
grin and question
search for tears
broken men (who undress me with their eyes)
listless women (sighing in relief of their upturned nose)
his poverty
her wealth
the delicate indifference
of the homeless and the socialite
their seamless seperation
is the greatest tear of all
in the foundation of our culture
the impoverished have nothing to give
but in the hands of those with all of the means
there is the end
there is the end

Friday, March 12, 2010

Neopolitan

Your body
Designed with a purpose
Movements confessing instincts
Alert but unaware
Unable to know beauty
So you come undone





Awakening a sense of self
Search for purpose
Reactionary traveler
Always in step
Without regard
And the grass dies beneath your feet





Suddenly you hurt for the grass
Instead of yourself
Feeling your own weight
Pressing upon the world
The world pressing upon you
And you change