Sunday, September 17, 2017

God

It is still not autumn here

I rely solely on the changes
of the seasons
to console me
so rest assured
you have it on good authority
there is still no reprieve

Maybe you feel like me

And if you do
I am sorry
but I also want to reassure you
this is just something humans do
All those saints were lonely too
but were so close to god
that they just pressed through

Sometimes I worry
that talk of god will turn people
off
so I keep reminding myself
that I am people
and it feels good to be alive

The sky keeps a schedule
that changes shadows
and some of us know
about the golden hours
while the rest of us
worship our likeness
to heavenly entities in sermons
on Wednesdays and Sundays

I keep thinking about mirrors
and how I want to believe
that people are good
because I am good
but have started worrying
that I am a piece of shit
because everyone keeps talking
about how people are the worst

Maybe you feel like me

What I don't think about
is how I don't even believe
in myself anymore
nothing here to see, folks
keep moving
except in the back of my head
I am yelling
"come back"

Come back


Friday, September 15, 2017

Patio Talk

It doesn't feel like Friday.
It feels like exactly a week
since I fell asleep
on the last day
I was closer to my birth
than my death.
How do I know
that I will live to be seventy?
I don't.
But my path no longer feels
like I am calculating
how long it has been
since I set out.
I am counting the miles
and how long it will take to stop
at each of the roadside attractions
on my way back home.






















Sunday, September 3, 2017

Arkansas Summer and You

The eclipse was mostly like any day
except I bought rose gold bake ware
including two cookie sheets,
two cake pans, a muffin tray,
and pancake mix.
I'll never do any of this,
unless you ask me to...

While I was bargaining the worth
of buying honey in the shape of a bear
and maple syrup instead of
the obvious,
I found myself
with my arms crossed.

Why is this twenty extra cents
so hard for me?
Why does this dollar
feel like my very being
is put on display
in front of everybody?

I still haven't baked any cookies
You still haven't said
that you want to be with me
but this Arkansas Summer
keeps reminding me
that I should be prepared
for anything

Forgive the punctuation mixed with poetry,
I'm still not sure
how it works...
but that batter will be here
as I wait patiently
for pinto beans and collard greens
and you










Monday, July 31, 2017

Arkansas Summer: First Draft

The summers in Arkansas
are dangerous to the psyche
Even breathing is with great effort
It feels like liquid is on the lungs
Everything that must be done
must be done before noon
or after it cools off some
I make sangria so I can daydrink
until the sun goes down
It is hard to be in love
I don't even want my skin
to touch my skin
It is easy to make friends
Everyone feels the same way
Hot as hell and wanting relief
Hoping it will never end

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Mema

"You get it from your grandmother"
But what?
What did I get?
Passerbys have been pulling me aside
my whole life
and they keep telling me,
"You get it from
your mom's side of the family."
Please, someone tell me,
what it is.
I have no idea.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

how often I think of you.

When dealing with people
that cannot to be taught anything,
let them learn everything
as if it they thought of it on their own.

Outside of this, I have no wisdom to offer

My body and thoughts move
instinctually and with great purpose,
like a frog in the same deep well
it inevitably dies in,
except there are no limitations
and I am not a figure of speech.

I am outside of this with nothing to offer,
except for my body and thoughts
that swell in wakes, sleep,
and in your absence.
I am unsure of how to bring you here,
so I am treating you like a secret.

I won't even tell myself

how often I think of you.



Saturday, July 1, 2017

Off Subject

My thoughts get tangled.
It is too easy.
I get it from you.
The way it seems as though
the only thing I have to do
is smile
and be yours
But there is something
wrong with me
I get it from you
I am incomplete
Whatever you gave me
took something
away from me
I am searching for it in people
Every one that crosses
my path is going to know
that I am here
I remember you
You will remember me too.