Friday, February 9, 2018

Looking Forward to Being Dirt

I told you I loved you
with every fiber
of my broke down body
and you said
I can't wait to hold your lil
crumbling body together til
we turn to dirt

I wanted to cry
but I was keeping busy at work
Do they let people
be buried in the same coffin?
Can we die at the same time?
If I kiss your skin every minute,
on the minute,
can we somehow blur the line
of whose heart is beating
if ours begins to beat in same time?

Extremes are middle ground
Forgiveness was last year
You speak and gesture and take me
and I barely even rearranged
my furniture but am telling you
I want you
and you are telling me
to fall apart
limb
by
limb
so we can live together
so I do



Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Death Wish 20/20

Cigarettes, wine
I'm trying  to make a list
but am very distracted
by
you
It would be easy to just say
I love you
I  love  you.
Today I woke up and my heart was light
You were sleeping next to me
I  pushed you further over
There is no way
I can get closer to you
I love you.

it is a strange thing
to be in love with the world
and hope every day
that the world
finds some sort of grace
that lets it be noble and elegant
again
it is stranger still
to know
that the world has never been gracious
and that the only remedy
we've found thus far
is human love
that has fought so hard
that we have to die
and it is only individuals
that amend the human condition
You are one

Cigarettes, wine
I love you.
it would be easier
if my line of sight
were blurry
but I see things clearly
always
You are my death wish.
Please don't die before me

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Canvas

I spent three years intimately involved with me
and am having a rough time breaking it off
It is as selfish as you think
I woke up one morning and thought
What is the most important thing to me?
The answer was not poetry or friends
or boys or family or even world peace
It was building a home for me

The task is complete and now every thought
I have about this home feels like masturbating
I have to break up with me

Today while vacuuming my only rug I thought,
If I end up in hell, it will be on cleaning detail.
I will look at my assignment and then at God
and I will smile and I will say, "Thank you."
What is the most important thing to me?
The answer is world peace but I am afraid to die
so I plan to start calling my mother more
and to visit my sister in Oklahoma City soon

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Grind

The last time I did drugs was six years ago
after I found out my boyfriend was an asshole
I did a line of shitty Arkansas cocaine
and moved his mother's dining room table
into the hallway of our condo
stacked those heirloom chairs and all his clothes
on top of it so he couldn't walk in
An hour later I put everything back in place
It was almost sunrise before he came home
and we had sex for the last time


I buy lottery tickets with my tip money
and you would ache for me if you only knew
how much I really think I will win every time
that I scratch the quarter across the paper ash
My modest daydreams are not asking for much
The most heartbreaking thing about it though
is my favorite fantasy of not telling the one
that I want to marry about all my new money
until he proposes to me and then, surprise!
I am rich. I am very very very rich


It has been eight months since I have had sex
and I still entertain the concern
that I control the weather
I am trying to let people be close to me
by telling them my inner thoughts
while animating my current thinkings
but feel further away as they just laugh at me
Funny is a code word for deeply thoughtful
and also I am obsessed with cleanliness
because I am trying to be close with God



Thursday, December 14, 2017

Stopschild

At the intersection I put on my left blinker
and remembered my passport

Wilco was playing, I tapped the gas
"Just remember what was yours
  is everyone's from now on"

We locked eyes
The pedestrian waved me on
 we conspired a plan
I would go
Then he would go
No one was hurt
There was nothing to worry about

but Vonnegut said it best

"Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt"

Welcome to the slaughterhouse
I hope your feelings are intact


Sunday, November 26, 2017

We Are The Only One

I believe in perfect women
because I am one

I believe in the perfect man
because I deserve him

I believe in people
because we are the only ones
who made up words
to describe every thing
we have ever seen
and felt

Ennui is a French word
Kindergarten is German

If you are not excited yet
I believe it is the punctuation
you are missing

I can see the mess we've made,
but this is not a train wreck.

I am looking around
and seeing people that are just like me.

Stop looking for a beginning or end.
There is no way you could enter this world,
except for in the middle, accept it.

If this seems like a love letter,
it is.












Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Just Give Me a Bullet

Just give me a bullet
I will ponder on its caliber
and root around
in my bag of tricks
for a gun
it will fit into

Just give me a bullet
I will finger its nuances
for showmanship
Present it to you
and palm it
like a magician

Just give me a bullet
I will fumble around just enough
make you believe
in Sunday mornings

Just give me a bullet
I will pretend you meant a bull's eye
and will hit it